Sorry guys, I realize this is like the 4th time I'm posting today, but I just keep thinking of random things and well, they're things I can air out here.
First off I'd like to warn you all - I'm about to get a little bit wishy-washy and self-deprecating here, but hopefully not too bad.
This is why I have my doubts about whether or not I'll ever make it to becoming an actual SuicideGirl: I am nowhere near as pretty as those models are. Now, I know that that's a hefty statement, but just let me explain.
My body has been through some shit. I've never been super skinny, and though my weight has never really fluctuated much, I have a lot of stretch marks - boobs, sides, hips, stomach. And my boobs have yet to stop growing, though I already think they're far too big to be considered very attractive by most, so that doesn't help. I have scars in lots of places... Some of them are from accidents, and most of them are not.
And when I say I'm not skinny, I mean it. I haven't weighed 100lbs since, like, middle school. I'm definitely "curvy," and not all of it is in places most people find aesthetically pleasing. I'm trying to lose weight around my stomach, hips, and thighs, but as anyone who's tried that will tell you, it's not an easy place to thin out sometimes. I feel huge, and not for lack of trying.
This is why I say I don't find myself capable of being conventionally sexy.
My point here is - and I know, I /know/ some of these photos, on here, are (not to say shopped, but) spot-checked for smoothness of skin and the like. The problem I run into is, I just don't think my body is appreciable, even in this community, without more than a few tricks and cheats and well-placed blemish-removals. I've got scars, you guys; so many scars, both externally and internally... I'm just not sure I'll ever make it. I'm just not sure I could ever be considered beautiful enough to be a model, anywhere.
So there they are: My doubts. They don't mean I'll never try; they don't mean I won't continue on the path to bettering myself, I just... Idk. I guess I just wanted to air these out, so people know part of why I'm still hesitant to post more pics, especially less clothed ones. Thanks for hearing me out, guys; I hope it wasn't too bad.
-xox, Hex
