I'm sorry for using SG as a way to unload about my love life. It's hard sometimes when my closest friend has moved away, my other closest friend has a bf and I never hear from and I feel like I don't have anyone that I can talk to and unload to. Mostly as my other friends hate this guy and I feel like they would judge me because....
... a month down the line and this situation with this guy is still ongoing. We're still talking nearly every day. He's still asking to see me, sometimes I say no but twice I've been to see him and it just seem to cause some sort of drama and upset between us.
The first time we got carried away and we fooled around a bit then I felt so shitty getting the bus home and cuz he didn't give me a lift. Then a couple of days later we he was saying he was buying food in m&s for dinner and I was like "so what are you getting me then?" then he sent me some shitty texts saying that we cant be trusted alone together as stuff will happen.
A couple of weeks of being friendly later we both decide that we are attracted to each other and it's driving us crazy being friends...then last night I go see him after the gym and it's all nice and cuddly, we kiss a bit and everything is all dandy. I ask him if he wants me to stay and he says he would rather not as he has exam revision to do so I go home feeling good this time because I felt like I was in control of the situation then I get a text saying "I just get a little freaked out by the fact that we're not doing anything but you want to stay..." . Umm we were kissing and cuddled up and touching each other and my 2 different explanations last night and this morning of I wanted to kiss you some more have gone ignored.
It's been 5 months and we've not slept together, I want us to. Everything that happens just makes me unsure what he wants from me. He doesn't want a relationship, he is probably one of the few guys out there that doesn't want to sleep around. What the fuck do you want...uggggh. We're clearly more than just friends and turn each other on, but he freaks out when things get intimate and when things don't.
For all the bullshit and rubbish that I post on here when I'm annoyed and upset it's a small part of the whole story. He makes me happy when I'm around him, you wouldn't think it from all of this but he's just nice. such a sweet guy who obviously cares about me a lot, wouldn't overstep the line and is so good to his friends and family. We banter and joke about and have loads to talk about. He speaks to me more than any of my closest friends and we always make each other feel better if we are feeling down and I know he's always there for me. He makes me feel so good about myself...till he has one of his stupid freak outs.
This thing would be so much easier to end if he was a total dick head and was nasty to me all the time. Instead over the last 5 months he's become one of my closest friends. It's so difficult when ultimately I just want to be with him. I know sleeping with someone isn't the way to get a relationship but it's getting to a point where I feel like I just need to do it and see what happens. I do really want to. I thought maybe last night was that night but he kept stopping kissing and touching me and apologizing, now instead of feeling in control I feel confused.
I wish I had met someone else so it was easier to just move on and concentrate on a relationship where the guy just wants to be with me 100% instead of not knowing what the hell he wants. I will find him.