hettie

Since what happened with my dad a couple of months ago i've really not been myself. I've been hiding away in my house, or when i do actually go out i just get really really drunk and get upset and go off home on my own without telling anyone. I just seem to be pushing everyone away and heading deeper and deeper down a dark hole.

I felt most of the weekend at the SGUK meeting feeling really nervous and trying to put on a brave face and be friendly and be me and i really had a good weekend. Even although i broke my toe yet again, caught the flu and my tattoo spent the weekend being all sore and itchy (i dont actually have any photos dispite so many people having cameras and my artist hasn't mailed me them yet.

I dont really know how to go about making myself better. I dont know if i should go back to college or not. I just dont feel like i am getting anywhere. I thought that one of the reasons that i was accepted was the fact that i dont conform, i have a strong personality and ideas. It just seems to count for nothing, my tutors seem not to understand me and i've come out just getting through this year and i know i should be doing a lot better than this but no matter how hard i try it seems to make no difference.