hereiamjh

What is it about the human condition that makes people feel lonely? Is it the fact that we all pretend not to be unhappy, and so, from the outside, it appears that everyone else is happy but you? A "grass is always greener" type effect?

Well, whatever it is, it sucks.

I have nothing to complain about, my work is going great. I will have worked on, in a major capacity, three Broadway shows in one year. For someone my age, that's awesome. I cannot even think how lucky I am to be where I am...

...but I'm still unhappy. Not "I want more" unhappy...just....unfullfilled. Perhaps it's the string of girls with boyfriends that "oh, if only I'd met you earlier". Awesome....thanks. And all the other friends saying "you deserve so much better". Well fuck that, I don't want "better", I want HER!

Sigh.

Why do I only write negative emotions here? I'm only really driven to write when I'm upset...When I'm happy (well, A: when I'm happy I'm usually working, so I can't just open up SG) I guess the desire to express it isn't there. It's more of a "catch it all up and enjoy it"

Whereas, when I'm feeling down, it's a reaching out. Perhaps not actively, but perhaps it's the same idea as Missed Connections on Craigslist...like casting out a long line and hoping for a bite. I'm no fisherman, but I think I got the terms right.


Ohh....SG. How I spent more time with you.


I should write more. More often. More more often. Often.

I've started reading again (thanks, in part, to two good books and a Kindle for my birthday) and have yet to miss listening to music on the subway...which has been replaced with reading: Ayn Rand's Fountainhead, David McCullough's The Great Bridge, Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol (bad ending, I don't suggest it) and, as of tonight (a late birthday present) A Tranquil Star, which is a collection of short stories by Primo Levi.

grrr...i think it's bed time.


le sigh.