Ask Drunken Larry
Were back with more advice from Drunken Larry. Our first question comes to us from "bob" in Seattle. "Bob" writes:
Dear drunken Larry, I recently split up with my girlfriend of three months. Shes the only reason why I want to remain alive in this world. I don't think I can go on. I'm thinking about the sweet end. Please help.
Larry: Dear Bob, you have a serious problem that needs to be resolved before it gets worse. There are two places that I recomend that you go, and you should do this soon. The first place you should go is over in 2645 NW Leary way. It's a Big Five Sporting goods store. What you need to do is buy yourself a 12-gauge shotgun, and blow your cry baby brains out. The second place you should go is hell. People like you really make me sick, with your pathetic problems. I have a shitter bag connected to my stomach. I have a prosthetic penis. My last ex-wife turned into a lesbian, she stabbed my left eye out with the spoon I use to cook my dinner in, just because I told her she has more sex toys than inspector gadget.
"Jane" writes: Dear Drunken Larry, My husband's birthday is coming up next week and I want to do something special for him. I was thinking about buying a special outfit for the most passionate birthday sex ever. What lingerie do you think will make his mouth water?
Larry: Lady are you fucking kidding me? When will you women learn? If you've already had sex sixty fuckin jillion times already, h's not going to want to do the same buckeled broad on his birthday that he sleeps with every fucking day. Rent him a hooker.
Were back with more advice from Drunken Larry. Our first question comes to us from "bob" in Seattle. "Bob" writes:
Dear drunken Larry, I recently split up with my girlfriend of three months. Shes the only reason why I want to remain alive in this world. I don't think I can go on. I'm thinking about the sweet end. Please help.
Larry: Dear Bob, you have a serious problem that needs to be resolved before it gets worse. There are two places that I recomend that you go, and you should do this soon. The first place you should go is over in 2645 NW Leary way. It's a Big Five Sporting goods store. What you need to do is buy yourself a 12-gauge shotgun, and blow your cry baby brains out. The second place you should go is hell. People like you really make me sick, with your pathetic problems. I have a shitter bag connected to my stomach. I have a prosthetic penis. My last ex-wife turned into a lesbian, she stabbed my left eye out with the spoon I use to cook my dinner in, just because I told her she has more sex toys than inspector gadget.
"Jane" writes: Dear Drunken Larry, My husband's birthday is coming up next week and I want to do something special for him. I was thinking about buying a special outfit for the most passionate birthday sex ever. What lingerie do you think will make his mouth water?
Larry: Lady are you fucking kidding me? When will you women learn? If you've already had sex sixty fuckin jillion times already, h's not going to want to do the same buckeled broad on his birthday that he sleeps with every fucking day. Rent him a hooker.
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
I seriously thinking about killing the most part of the members of my office... what kind of poison do you recomend me? Or a baseball bat will be fine?