hemlock170374

Where is the bottom?

I should see it by now.

Instead, I don't. I seem to go deeper and deeper.
Deeper in the dark waters of what I know needs to happen
but I certainly do not enjoy.

I guess that the child I used to be
is still very much alive in me
and he does not like
and never will,
the things that adults, pardon me, aged children,
will do to each other.

As much as you want otherwise,
certain things are just meant to go haywire,
the very moment you start them.
You can feel sorry
but who cares?
Does that change anything?

Nope.

I just need to find a beautiful concept I can grasp,
something that could provide me with the meaning I have lost.
I need to find it before I find a .45 and point it at my skull.