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hemightbegiant

Member Since 2005

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Thursday Feb 07, 2013

Feb 7, 2013
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Little known facts about snow:

1. Snow is actually a bane to all cows. Cows DIE when they come into contact with snow. Any form of snow. So it is imperative that when it snows, you go buy all the milk your fridge can hold because it will take a LONG time for farmers to order new cows and resupply the state with milk. After all, they have to wait for the ground to thaw and plant a new crop of cows.

2. Bread is the only food you can eat if you lose power in a snow storm. I suggest toasting it with a blow torch. Make sure you buy all the bread you can, as it will probably be years before you will be able to leave your house again.

3 Bottled water is a necessity as well, as we all know that snow is made from a material that melts into a water-like substance that is, in fact, NOT water. It looks, smells and tastes like water, but is actually deadly to all life on Earth.

4. Make sure to fill any container able to hold gasoline completely full with gas. Gas is the the natural enemy of snow, and the only thing that gives you a fighting chance at surviving a snow attack.

5. Snow can strike at any time, with deadly accuracy and savage ferocity. Being prepared for snow at any time, however, is stupid. It is best to prepare for a snow attack a day before it is going to happen, just in case the snow decides changes its mind and decides to go elsewhere. Who needs planning?

-Me
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
artfulodin:
A Boston radio station erroneously reported that there were no bananas left in the city. A friend posted a picture of a pile of bananas at a Whole Foods and asked why there'd be a run on bananas in the first place. My reply echoed your approach:


Potassium. Because as every New Englander knows, potassium in the human body stays in an inverse relationship to the amount of snow on the ground. As snow accumulates, potassium levels decrease, and anytime snow is greater than 18 inches potassium levels get dangerously low. It is one of the leading causes of Zombieism.


It quickly is gathering likes. smile

Feb 7, 2013
prov_guy:
I always wondered about the scientific reason for the run on bread and milk. Thanks!!!! It all makes sense now.
Feb 8, 2013

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