I miss being a compassionate human being.
I used to care about the well being of strangers...or their problems. If I saw a person I didn't know and they were crying, I would wonder why and feel bad for them. Now I just think "none of my business."
Don't get me wrong, if I saw another human being in danger and I could help, I would...but I am so jaded and just...apathetic.
I need to change that.
I just had a string of thoughts about another human being, and it bothered me how just...evil that string of thoughts was.
I don't want to get into it or explain, but I will say this...I am ashamed that I thought it and it bothers me.
I have a lot of internal work to do.
-Me
-added-
Fuck it, I will admit what I thought because I don't want people's imaginations running wild.
A guest called on the phone to ask if we had vending machines, and I explained to him that the soda machine is broken but we sell sodas in the Yogurt shop, so I could sell him a few.
Then he asked for a bowl, and I told him we had some in the breakfast room, and he said something but I couldn't quite make out what he said...
my immediate thought (he had a strange "accent") was "Maybe if you stopped talking like a retard, I could understand you better..."
He came down to get his bowl, and sure enough...he had physical reasons for the way he sounded on the phone. (Looks like he suffered some sort of brain injury. He was walking all "wonky" (for lack of a better word and not knowing his condition) and his speech was impaired because of it.
Immediately felt like shit for thinking that. I really did. Still kinda do.
I mean, no harm done in the fact that I didn't say it out loud or anything, but I still don't like the fact that I thought it. I use to NEVER use that word, or even think it.
So yeah, that is what happened.
I used to care about the well being of strangers...or their problems. If I saw a person I didn't know and they were crying, I would wonder why and feel bad for them. Now I just think "none of my business."
Don't get me wrong, if I saw another human being in danger and I could help, I would...but I am so jaded and just...apathetic.
I need to change that.
I just had a string of thoughts about another human being, and it bothered me how just...evil that string of thoughts was.
I don't want to get into it or explain, but I will say this...I am ashamed that I thought it and it bothers me.
I have a lot of internal work to do.
-Me
-added-
Fuck it, I will admit what I thought because I don't want people's imaginations running wild.
A guest called on the phone to ask if we had vending machines, and I explained to him that the soda machine is broken but we sell sodas in the Yogurt shop, so I could sell him a few.
Then he asked for a bowl, and I told him we had some in the breakfast room, and he said something but I couldn't quite make out what he said...
my immediate thought (he had a strange "accent") was "Maybe if you stopped talking like a retard, I could understand you better..."
He came down to get his bowl, and sure enough...he had physical reasons for the way he sounded on the phone. (Looks like he suffered some sort of brain injury. He was walking all "wonky" (for lack of a better word and not knowing his condition) and his speech was impaired because of it.
Immediately felt like shit for thinking that. I really did. Still kinda do.
I mean, no harm done in the fact that I didn't say it out loud or anything, but I still don't like the fact that I thought it. I use to NEVER use that word, or even think it.
So yeah, that is what happened.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
kas:
something we all go through 
you seem like a good person to me!
you seem like a good person to me!
prov_guy:
It's so easy to get jaded when you see how life plays out all around us each day. BUT: the fact that you dislike it when you act that way proves that you still have a soul and a heart. Don;t focus on the occasional lapse - you've always seemed like a good guy.