I've been incredibly introspective lately...
and I've come to realize something...
I have never had the kind of relationship I want. A REAL, TRUE love.
Let's start from the beginning.
My first girlfriend was when I was 16. She was 14.
Originally I was after this girl named Ashley, but Ashley kept shooting me down again and again. One day this cute little blond girl came up to me while I was talking to Ashley...and kicked me in the shin. Her name was Carrie.
I started talking to her.
I talked to her every day after school for two weeks, and in school a lot as well.
Finally, I asked her out.
She said yes.
Go me.
Well...the entire "relationship" was basically group dates (because her parents were crazy mormons), and making out after school. A lot.
We were at a High school dance...the Winter Semi-formal I believe...and we were dancing to "Lady in Red"...
and I told her I loved her. She got a huge smile and said it back.
Now that I really think about it...
was it love? I mean...I would have done anything for the girl...literally anything...
but I was 16...she was 14. We didn't know what love was.
Anyway...we hit 1 year...and things started to turn sour. She started treating me differently...
and two weeks later we broke up. I found out MUCH later she had been cheating on me with her best friend since childhood...this bag of douche named Sandy. (Everyone called him Sandy. His real name was F. (The third.) Seriously. Just the letter F.)
Time went by...like 6 months or so, and I started dating this girl named Liz.
To sum her up...she was a dominating BITCH.
We dated for 2 and a half years.
(even after I graduated high school...)
I later was told by her that she never really loved me...and that our relationship was nothing more than a convenience.
I might also mention that she didn't want to have sex with me...but 3 weeks after we broke up, she banged my best friend. He felt like shit...but I forgave him because he was sincerely sorry.
After her I dated Jenna. I can't say anything bad about Jenna. I loved her. I really did.
But the relationship was doomed to fail. Why?
She's a free spirit, "I do what I want" person. I'm not. Plus...she likes tall skinny guys. That's her types. Tall skinny punk guys with leather and spikes and painted nails and mohawks. I'm not that. At all.
We dated for a year and a half...
a very emotional year and a half...
and then, she dumped me...telling me she felt like she couldn't be herself around me.
The relationship ended that day...but "we" never really ended until months later.
After her I dated Zepher, and we all know that didn't end well.
That wasn't a relationship. That was sex. Pure and simple. Zepher needed a cock in her at all times, and I just happened to fill that slot (no pun intended) until Mike came back from Iraq.
Blessing in disguise is what it was when he "stole" her from me.
I realize now that I didn't love her...and she didn't love me. I was just obsessed with the fact that I finally had something I thought I couldn't have.
Sad...I know...
Then I dated a girl named Whitney that I met on Myspace. Whitney was a great girl...but it just didn't work.
She lived in Upstate Ny...which is six hours from me.
Toss in the fact that I was 24 and she was just turning 18...and yeah...not good. She was still in a high school frame of mind, and I had left high school far behind.
I broke it off with her. She got over me fast.
Then I dated Mandy. Mandy is my best friend...and we were both single and lonely. Mandy is a hopeless romantic...who has never been in love. She won't allow herself to fall in love because she doesn't want to get hurt...so she is the dumper. Always. She is the heart breaker.
We dated for six months...to see what would happen. Lots of sex...that's what happened....but nothing changed. We were just best friends...who fucked a lot....and I didn't want that.
She dumped me...but essentially it was mutual. I love her to death...but it can never happen romantically.
Plus, she told me point blank...there's attraction, but no romance.
And so here I am...
I'm ready. I want love. I want it so bad...
and hopefully I'll find it. I'm optimistic.
No past...just right now.
Nothing matters but this very moment.
-Me
and I've come to realize something...
I have never had the kind of relationship I want. A REAL, TRUE love.
Let's start from the beginning.
My first girlfriend was when I was 16. She was 14.
Originally I was after this girl named Ashley, but Ashley kept shooting me down again and again. One day this cute little blond girl came up to me while I was talking to Ashley...and kicked me in the shin. Her name was Carrie.
I started talking to her.
I talked to her every day after school for two weeks, and in school a lot as well.
Finally, I asked her out.
She said yes.
Go me.
Well...the entire "relationship" was basically group dates (because her parents were crazy mormons), and making out after school. A lot.
We were at a High school dance...the Winter Semi-formal I believe...and we were dancing to "Lady in Red"...
and I told her I loved her. She got a huge smile and said it back.
Now that I really think about it...
was it love? I mean...I would have done anything for the girl...literally anything...
but I was 16...she was 14. We didn't know what love was.
Anyway...we hit 1 year...and things started to turn sour. She started treating me differently...
and two weeks later we broke up. I found out MUCH later she had been cheating on me with her best friend since childhood...this bag of douche named Sandy. (Everyone called him Sandy. His real name was F. (The third.) Seriously. Just the letter F.)
Time went by...like 6 months or so, and I started dating this girl named Liz.
To sum her up...she was a dominating BITCH.
We dated for 2 and a half years.
(even after I graduated high school...)
I later was told by her that she never really loved me...and that our relationship was nothing more than a convenience.
I might also mention that she didn't want to have sex with me...but 3 weeks after we broke up, she banged my best friend. He felt like shit...but I forgave him because he was sincerely sorry.
After her I dated Jenna. I can't say anything bad about Jenna. I loved her. I really did.
But the relationship was doomed to fail. Why?
She's a free spirit, "I do what I want" person. I'm not. Plus...she likes tall skinny guys. That's her types. Tall skinny punk guys with leather and spikes and painted nails and mohawks. I'm not that. At all.
We dated for a year and a half...
a very emotional year and a half...
and then, she dumped me...telling me she felt like she couldn't be herself around me.
The relationship ended that day...but "we" never really ended until months later.
After her I dated Zepher, and we all know that didn't end well.
That wasn't a relationship. That was sex. Pure and simple. Zepher needed a cock in her at all times, and I just happened to fill that slot (no pun intended) until Mike came back from Iraq.
Blessing in disguise is what it was when he "stole" her from me.
I realize now that I didn't love her...and she didn't love me. I was just obsessed with the fact that I finally had something I thought I couldn't have.
Sad...I know...
Then I dated a girl named Whitney that I met on Myspace. Whitney was a great girl...but it just didn't work.
She lived in Upstate Ny...which is six hours from me.
Toss in the fact that I was 24 and she was just turning 18...and yeah...not good. She was still in a high school frame of mind, and I had left high school far behind.
I broke it off with her. She got over me fast.
Then I dated Mandy. Mandy is my best friend...and we were both single and lonely. Mandy is a hopeless romantic...who has never been in love. She won't allow herself to fall in love because she doesn't want to get hurt...so she is the dumper. Always. She is the heart breaker.
We dated for six months...to see what would happen. Lots of sex...that's what happened....but nothing changed. We were just best friends...who fucked a lot....and I didn't want that.
She dumped me...but essentially it was mutual. I love her to death...but it can never happen romantically.
Plus, she told me point blank...there's attraction, but no romance.
And so here I am...
I'm ready. I want love. I want it so bad...
and hopefully I'll find it. I'm optimistic.
No past...just right now.
Nothing matters but this very moment.
-Me
