I am so miserable and hungover today.

I was told yesterday me and some of the staff at the pub where I work could be made redundant. If we were kept on it would be on a reduced salary.

Me and a fellow colleague Tori weren't working so we stayed in the pub all afternoon getting drunk together. Then we met up again in the evening to get more drunk. I've had a crush on Tori for way too long now. It's become much bigger than it should ever of been. We always hangout getting drunk. After work it's always me and her staying afterwards for a drink and a chat. But, I've let myself get in too far. I've been friend zoned so badly. I'm there for her whenever she has problems with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend's a nice guy but they're not right for each other. I'm an idiot cos even though I hate to admit it I'm waiting for them to break up.

I've lost so much confidence over this, but it's my own fault. I met a really nice girl earlier this year. I made stupid excuses to myself as to why we wouldn't work out but I should of given it a chance. She was attractive and we were into a lot of the same things. I feel like an idiot for letting that go.

I'm back on medication for my mood and I'm seeing a counselor soon. I guess it's a step in the right direction. I need to get 'me' back again. Whoever that is.