hellzaphat

More than anything, I desire a collaborative environment of congenial, like-minded individuals (who probably don't actually exist). I feel that this is what I need to fuel my motivation to be creatively productive. It seems that almost everyone is real busy preparing to assimilate into more dependable, less spirited, capitalistic career paths. I want some comrades to let go of it all and fight any and all forms of conformity with me. ...clear the board... I want to sit at a round table and brainstorm, conspire, and co-produce. I feel so alone that it makes anything I do seem pointless. I am simply not enough by myself. I need some fellow malcontents to ally with. My skills lie dormant. I want to create, but I need help and validation. As I write this, I realize that I'm such the ultimate skeptic, that I can't even believe in myself. I am self-sufficient enough to be independent, but I am not self-motivated. I need allies, but I'm not willing to join a specific cause. My cause is general. Specificity implies faith. Faith is the devil. While faith provides a sense of belonging as well as a certain degree of comfort, it leads to closed-mindedness, conformity, elitism, and ultimately cruelty. I'm all over the place with this post. It's the kind of post that I generally end up not posting at all, but I'll post it anyways. Fuck it.

Until',
Hellzaphat