hellcatjustine

it won't give up, it wants me dead, goddamn this voice inside my head.

better living through chemicals...or so they say.


and I have done it again.

started another book, still reading that Ellison book.

finished all but the last few pages of Life After God today. I fucking love Douglas Coupland.


even my reading habits are manic now.


what is this thing? cannot I not be free of it once more? I wish I could show you where I used to be someone else. I was not always this cowering, shuddering, fearful creature. I was once something more alive, something more fluid, and yet, here I am, solid, but invisible.

I do not know what to make of it all.

something for the lovely....

"I love airplanes. I think, when you are at a high pitch of emotion, it is the only way of travelling which fits with your own heart. Airplane and love, the sky and the sadness and the hope were one only thing. I thought of you, remembering carefully everything, and I read the book which I like yet better than the other one, and we had whisky and a nice lunch: creamed chicken, chocolate ice cream. I thought you should have liked so much the landscape, the clouds and the sea, the coast, the woods and villages - we saw the ground very well and you would have smiled your warm, beautiful and childish smile." Simone de Beauvoir


went to the zoo today. it was lovely. I love the zoo. Especially the penguins and meerkats and the snow leopards. and the pandas, even though the pandas made me sad.

I love the man I went to the zoo with too.

I broke a nail today, fuckity fuck.

and now, off to take a shower and maybe straighten something up around here. I'm such a lazy bitch.

oh well...