hellcatjustine

And I'd tell you this, but I don't know how.
I'm caving in and I'm falling out
And I can't resist and I can't rebound
with the weight of the world as the world falls down.



I should be more cheerful, but I'm not.

So I got the job, I start training on May 3rd. Still doesn't help me pay rent. Anyone want to loan me a few hundred?

yeah, that's what I thought.

I've been cleaning now for hours. I went to the dentist, and I get my last fillings next week. Now that the shot has worn off, my mouth sorta hurts but I am ignoring it.

Finally my house is clean enough to be seen, to have company, whatever.

I have to take my cat to the vet on Friday, he's been peeing on things, all over the fucking place. I hope it's just an UTI, and nothing more serious. and I also hope he stops soon before I throw his fuzzy ass outside.

yeah, I'm in that sort of mood.

I feel so unappreciated sometimes.

could just be me, but I don't think so.

my wrist is throbbing, and I have cramps, even though I won't have a period.

fuck hormones. fuck all of it.

I need pain relief. I know that doing as much as I have done today isn't going to make me feel better, but I was tired of seeing all this mess.

He says I'm just obsessive/compulsive.
maybe so, but I like my house to be clean.

I'm sure someone can understand.

or maybe it's just me being crazy again. who the fuck knows.

I nearly couldn't fit into my suit today. this makes me sad. I miss being able to wear my clothes. I feel like such a fucking cow.

so far, I haven't eaten anything today. having a nice low carb dinner.

which reminds me, I should be cooking something, or something.

one moment...

now I'm back, about to be gone again.

I just want to crawl in a hole at the moment, just what the fuck is wrong with me?

perhaps it isn't me this time....

one never knows.

and now, I'm going to finish cooking and get stoned. fuck it all.




PS: and now, he is here...

go say hello to Nachthound


Love to be beside you,
the way you smell
The way your lips feel and your fingernails.
The way your fingers crawl up my spine,
The way you always make me the last in line.

I carry the weight of the world as the past is unfurled, but I won't stop to
wonder.
Going through this life on my own made me as cold as a stone; I'm a ship going
under.

And I'd tell you this, but I don't know how.
I'm caving in and I'm falling out
And I can't resist and I can't rebound
with the weight of the world as the world falls down.

It's the way you thrill me, then pull away.
The way you seem to kill me
a little more each day.
And it's what you're thinking
in your twisted mind
The way your body trembles
when it's next to mine.

I carry the weight of the world as the past is unfurled,
but I won't stop to wonder.
Going through this life on my own
made me as cold as a stone;
I'm a ship going under.

And I'd tell you this, but I don't know how.
I'm caving in and I'm falling out
And I can't resist and I can't rebound
with the weight of the world as the world falls down.

(I feel the weight of the world as it's falling down)

This pain I think about it everyday,
it tells me I'm never gonna get away.
I know it's over, but I can't escape
memories and how to face another day.