hellcatjustine

Your delicious
Dreaming
Slack jawed
Green eyed
Rub my nose in
Icing sugar
Smooth as
When this cold and deadly
Blade
Kissed the fruit
So soft
And gently breathing
Under your skin
Oh I'll empty you
I'll empty you
As empty as a boy can be
As empty
As a boy can be



what a day. Not a bad day, actually, a fairly good day. Just bustling with activity at the store today, most of which was a tremendous pain in my ass that didn't lead to any money being made. fuck. I don't think the HellCat is cut out for retail. I don't being talked to like someone's housekeeper, and I don't like having to clean up after stupid spoiled rich girls.

Use a little fucking common sense, that dress that you wadded up and threw in the floor, after stretching out trying it on, and are now standing on, is older than you. Someone tried on this fabulous 1950's black cardigan with really pretty beading on it, and ripped the lining on the sleeves. Thank god we have a good seamtress.

I want to learn to sew.

*****an hour and a half later, after some serious sweaty porn sex. ******

ok, now, where was I? Damn, I love that man.

this should be a mastercard ad:

personal lubricant: $6
purple pocket rocket with interchangable tips: $27
lesbian internet porn: free

Having a man that will bend you over your desk and do you until you come like the 4th Zepplin album: Priceless


looking into PT jobs. Coloured my hair yet again tonight. I finally just got some semi-permanent pillarbox red and hooked it up. it's nearly dry, and I think it's rad. Also got some leave-in stuff just for redheads. that makes me happy. and cute new panties.


I found out last night one of my grandmothers has advanced breast cancer, and cancer of the lymph nodes. my daddy is going to stay with her for awhile. they live about 3 and a half hours away in this little town in Arkansas. I haven't seen them in a number of years, but I remember having so much fun when I went. These are my stepdad's parents, and my stepdad was the father that raised me, so...he's my daddy. I have lots of family, I would miss so much if I moved away. but one day, I will have to. I still want to study at UC Berkeley someday. Historically speaking, so much has happened there. and I need to see the ocean. I think I would love to live near the ocean, even having never seen it. I long for the ocean. maybe because I'm a cancer.

so he gets this wild hair tonight to go buy 50 scratch off lottery tickets. and indeed we did, and a few one extra tickets, the most money was like 5 bucks, not what he was hoping for, but it was funny and silly. we just got the lottery here a few months ago. I will buy tickets occasionally, or I have twice now, because they are supposed to do scholarships with lottery money.

This HellCat needs back in school, and soon. I'm stagnating here. I don't feel that I am progressing fast enough. Like I am not doing enough. not going to start worrying about it tonight.

if only...

nah. who needs those thoughts. right now, I'm drinking white cranberry strawberry juice cocktail and vodka, just waiting to be able to sleep. I just had some seriously good sex. The kind where I have not just one, but multiple, successive orgasms. there is something to be said for a night like that. And when I go to bed, I'll fall asleep wrapped up with this incredible person who I think is teaching me how to be happy again. How to love.

I'm taking up drinking again. in moderation, of course. at least for now. I know I can't hang anymore. I haven't really been drunk since I got clean, and that was over two years ago now. I'm quite proud of that.

That whole issue is the only reason I'm not back at my old club trying to get some funds. I just can't be around the lifestyle, and I don't want to anymore.

and now, I think I'll go read some more.
or, go pour myself the rest of the vodka.



later for y'all...




PS: tonight, I'm leaving you with one of my crappy poems. Most of my poems, this one included, are meant to be heard, not read.

bearing that in mind...

I am not invisible to the naked eye
I am not invisible to the naked eye
I hope your airbag runs away with your inflatable doll
Im looking for the time honored bread sauce
Of a happy ending
I think youve got one way pockets
Your pants are depressed
Gonna hide your teeth
So you wont eat between meals
Say boys! If you give just another whiskey
Ill be glad
Doctors is all swabs
Many the long night they talk of cheese in here folks
Toasted, mostly
Where is the goiter with the brindle hair?
The bony fighter
Bring us your ring of words
When the right man drinks them
Biter and fate beater?
Nothing like a little judicious levity I say
Primate speech center here
When you came out the nurses jumped up on chairs
You were nursed by your father
Mental cheerios would be better rounded
Chaos is preferred
Emotional Twinkies aint bad either
Fear of serious injury cannot alone justify
Suppression of free speech
On the other hand
You lurkity lurk
In insidious encroachment
Scouting spruces
They are not guided by the light of reason
They shall not pass
I am not batty- just confused and in the dark
Form ever follows fellow functions
Or something like that
Metaphysical garbage
You cant hold me down
Without staying down with me
And dont you forget it

If at first you dont succeed, I dont suggest you play Russian roulette