hellabella

My ex, the one who was handfasted to me and then left me, is back. Not in the country back, but in TOWN back. And he expects me to let him explain himself. Like anything he could tell me could make all the pain, lies, and secretiveness just vanish. I still don't know if I'm going to see him or not. When I found out that his telling me "I'll be back on January 20th" translated into "I'm not coming back, everyone knows the truth except for you", I went from knowing someone through and through to not knowing him at all. Not a mother fucking thing he could say to me could fix that, could repair trust, and dry all the tears from nights of crying myself to sleep or just staying up crying. (((ashes ashes...))) Half of me wants to see him, to speak to him. The other half wants to make him die a slow, painful, cold death. For now, a friend is going to stay with me tonight so he knows I'm not going to have some kind of break down from this. Tomorrow, I don't know. I'm very conflicted and this is stress I could have done without. Last night I told someone this is the first time in my LIFE I have not felt stressed out. That was, clearly, temporary. Thanks Jeff.