hell_man

like everyone else, my life has its ups and downs... usually the downs come first, followed by a period of understanding and happiness that mirrors the down period in intensity and duration... during this period it is natural to reflect upon the emotions we experienced, and the thoughts that we had during that time... thus allowing us to grow as human beings and evolve spiritually...

now the last two cycles of this pattern have been the strongest in my life by a considerable margain... the one before this which i am currently in to the point where i reached the pinnacle of happiness and understanding in myself in my life thus far... where for the first time i was truly happy with how i was growing as a human being, and made many many discoveries about life and about myself... about who i was if you will..

which brings us to the current cycle... i am in the reflection phase at the moment, and altough i am happy enough and a majority of the time on what you could call cloud 9, i am aware that i have left something behind... what this is i am not 100% sure... i find myself increasedly relying on the assistance of substances (namely alcohol) to relate with other people when confronted which large social gatherings, which is leading me to avoid such things when unable to consume said substance... i think maybe i am looking for too much in everything at the moment... due to the fact that the last period of this reflection brang with it so much learning and discovery, i expect this one to aswell... i guess maybe this is just another learning curve, and in due course i will learn what it is that i am to learn from the current circumstances of my life, and from the influence the world around me as it is at this time will have........... really i should just pay heed to my own advice, and relax and allow life to unfold as it will.....

to borrow loosely from one Baba 'Ram Dass'
"the catterpillar when enclosing itself in its cocoon to go through the metamorphisis and emerge as butterfly, doesn't say to itself 'im going to climb into this cocoon and come out a butterly' ... the catterpillar isnt walking around saying 'i will be a butterfly soon' because as long as he is busy being a catterpillar he CANT be a butterfly.... its just inevitable... its happening"

i guess what im trying to say is.....

take care everyone


ps : thought it was time for a new profile pic... this is me in late may last year... during the period of said learning/discovery... and if my memory serves me correctly, i am having a moment listening to T00L : 46 & 2 ... a song which lyrics had a prfound impact on me at that stage of my life