heisszeit

To be honest, I think that I just freaked out because Anton was being so smug about it, if he had been nicer and less arrogant he would have gotten further with me. I don't regret leaving but I am not sure that I am being completely honest with myself about my feelings. I think Anton scares me more than I want to admit, Fancy Face is safe because he is so young and there is no future so I already know the outcome and know what to expect so the disappointment is reduced to a bare minimum. The truth is that Anton can actually give me everything I want now whereas before he couldn't because he had all that baggage to sort out and that is real, it involves taking a huge risk, it scares the shit out of me.

You kno Fancy Face doesn't have a bad attitude, he is just honest, which is in fact better, there is no promise of anything and thus no expectation, which makes it exciting. I find it hard to switch my thoughts off on my own but there's medication for that. I am more afraid of feeling vulnerable and out of control. I think I felt that way mostly with Fancy Face as I was exceptionally drunk and don't really remember how it all started on Sunday.

I think u got the gist of it!

Being me can be very complicated when it comes to men. I told him that I can't do meaningless and that we can be friends if he wants. He is still calling and flirting so I don't know what the hell is game is!!!????

Did my tarot cards to try and find out what his intentions are and what I saw was frightening, I'm not going to elaborate to much but the outcome of the reading was the High Priest which is the card for divine marriage!! It disturbed me quite seriously!!

Fancy face and I text each other through out the day everyday, it's weird, I'm scared I'll fall for him and he really isn't relationship material.

Hey hun

I am glad that Viki is feeling better, I must be honest I have never found any doctors attractive.

I am ok, I changed my medication again so I am adjusting to it, the other stuff I was on worked but was way too expensive and there are no generics for it.

How's coupledome otherwise? I envy you, I really need the love of a good man, been single too long.



What are you planning for SA?

Your trip sounds amazing!! I love Meercats, they are the cutest little things!! Their social system is matriarchal which is cool as well.

There are no boys in Jo'burg that I am attracted to at the mo, I have a thing for boys who are covered in tattoo's,have shaved heads and who ride very fast motorbikes and they are usually complete idiots or total asses!

I'll just get my own bloody motorbike! To be honest although I am going through a lonely patch I really can't afford to be in a relationship right now, I have too much on my plate.