I said: What are the things that you keep out of sight? What are the things that are always just below the layer that make you want to cry?
ninji said on Feb 18, 2003 05:40 PM
bitter criticism. judgment. my family was steeped in it. so i think i've been running from it since birth.
when i encounter it and can't escape it (see: place of employ), the heart, um...okay, MY HEART breaks just a little bit more each day.
my crippling shyness. it switches on and off at times. i wish i could conquer it for good, just soak myself in ideas of love and support and the world's benevolence (its ultimate benevolence, despite appearances). . . i wish i could fashion this miracle of my own.
those things.
et vous?
*******
Two.
Pain.
I HATE WHAT WE ARE DOING TO THIS FUCKING PLANET SO MUCH I COULD SOB IN A SECOND FROM JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. The pain of not thinking about it gets to me sometimes.
Potential
The fact that I know I am a universe living inside one less-than-perfect body. Not enoughs. Not enoughs. The feeling that I will be so much more and the anxiety about it not happening yet. Romantic perceptions of the universe can kill you. Realistic ones spur you forward, or at least, that's our only hope. as i said in my other journal earlier tonight:
funeral church bells ring out over a warm and still summer day
things clash, it happens to the very, very best of us
why are her colors brighter than mine?
they're not, i'm just feeling color blind
so short and fickle
and blind as snow
running hands out for oblivion
cause i've got no place else to go
i think someday my bitterness and realistic view of the universe will reach such an extreme that it'll implode
and i'll shoot up into the air!
i'll land as a cherry-picker
i'll land as the quiet mystery behind the bar
with 'scar' written all over her
i hear her say talk of loving
but as as fast as i can give it
it's taking it away
someday i'm sure i'll turn it over and all the things i want to be will suddenly be bestowed ahead
there's ice on my eyelids and someday, i know it'll melt
there's claws on my shoulders and someday i know it'll change its mind
there's moss on my bare feet and some time i'm SURE it'll sprout into flowers
i love art that makes me make art
i love emotions that make me feel
i love myself when other people do
and even when no one does,
i know
i know
i know me
i know me
i know that someday
i know all about someday
and it's ok
because I KNOW!!! OK???? I KNOW!!! AND IT IS ENOUGH!
ninji said on Feb 18, 2003 05:40 PM
bitter criticism. judgment. my family was steeped in it. so i think i've been running from it since birth.
when i encounter it and can't escape it (see: place of employ), the heart, um...okay, MY HEART breaks just a little bit more each day.
my crippling shyness. it switches on and off at times. i wish i could conquer it for good, just soak myself in ideas of love and support and the world's benevolence (its ultimate benevolence, despite appearances). . . i wish i could fashion this miracle of my own.
those things.
et vous?
*******
Two.
Pain.
I HATE WHAT WE ARE DOING TO THIS FUCKING PLANET SO MUCH I COULD SOB IN A SECOND FROM JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. The pain of not thinking about it gets to me sometimes.
Potential
The fact that I know I am a universe living inside one less-than-perfect body. Not enoughs. Not enoughs. The feeling that I will be so much more and the anxiety about it not happening yet. Romantic perceptions of the universe can kill you. Realistic ones spur you forward, or at least, that's our only hope. as i said in my other journal earlier tonight:
funeral church bells ring out over a warm and still summer day
things clash, it happens to the very, very best of us
why are her colors brighter than mine?
they're not, i'm just feeling color blind
so short and fickle
and blind as snow
running hands out for oblivion
cause i've got no place else to go
i think someday my bitterness and realistic view of the universe will reach such an extreme that it'll implode
and i'll shoot up into the air!
i'll land as a cherry-picker
i'll land as the quiet mystery behind the bar
with 'scar' written all over her
i hear her say talk of loving
but as as fast as i can give it
it's taking it away
someday i'm sure i'll turn it over and all the things i want to be will suddenly be bestowed ahead
there's ice on my eyelids and someday, i know it'll melt
there's claws on my shoulders and someday i know it'll change its mind
there's moss on my bare feet and some time i'm SURE it'll sprout into flowers
i love art that makes me make art
i love emotions that make me feel
i love myself when other people do
and even when no one does,
i know
i know
i know me
i know me
i know that someday
i know all about someday
and it's ok
because I KNOW!!! OK???? I KNOW!!! AND IT IS ENOUGH!
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
mmm.
would you feel comfortable emailing me (or posting) a link to your other journal?
this is so r a w .
thank u.
ji