hectorian

The end of a relationship is a bit like going through drug-withdrawal. The feelings you have for a person are often tied up with all sorts of associations in your psyche. Its not just about missing her physical presence but about all the things in your life that came to be tied up with her from places you went together, to music you listen to and even just the (seemingly) simple matter of how much of your time was filled up by her and how you are now left with empty time and a feeling that nothing can fill it quite like she did. The more things you did together, the harder it is because, now she is gone, you have bigger all left that is yours. Drug-withdrawal is very similar; all kinds of things can trigger the craving. The only cure is time. Over time all of those connections in your psyche will fade and be replaced with other things. In time other things in life will grow in importance to fill the gap. But it takes time. Lots of time. It happens incrementally. However, there's always going to be a little part of you deep inside that works against this healing process. With love as with drugs, there's always a part of you that doesn't want to let go; that would rather keep on feeling the pain than move on with life. Pain can become addictive too because even feeling pain can seem more desirable than feeling nothing and because the strength of the emotion can be addictive even when it hurts. Maybe some part of you might even think it is wrong to give up on her so soon and move on. Just remember that you matter and there's nothing wrong with living for yourself. You were there for her when she needed it but now it time for you to be there for you. Take a look at your life and ask what works and what doesn't, what is useful or good for you and what isn't. The things that you desire most in the short term might not be the things that work for you in the medium to long term. Then focus your energy and fill up your time with the things that work, with the things that do you good. Finally, if everything around you reminds you of her, try to find something new that has no association with her. When you have found something that is new and made it your own, then that's a part of you that your ex cannot touch. You'd be surprised at what works. A friend of mine who was an alcoholic took up climbing!

@waldo_jeffers thank you very much for your words. It definitely means alot to me. I will do my best to be there for myself and to try to move on. It is true the pain right now is more desirable then to be nothing. But i must move on. Thank you again