hecklongtree

Today, I received a postcard from Script Magazine telling me that my script was not selected as a finalist in its "Open Door" screenplay contest. I'm trying not to be too upset about it, but--let's it face--rejection hurts.

Just once, I'd like someone to pat me on the back for something that I've done. Instead, I get people who belittle my achievements. After graduating from college and getting good grades in hard courses, the only question any prospective employer had for me was: How many words a minute can you type?

When I graduated from law school, no employers would even consider hiring me till I received my bar exam results. When I received notice that I passed, I had only a couple of interviews. One prospective employer began his interview by asking me: What's it like to graduate from the worst law school in the state? Another prospective employer, who was not even a member of the New York Bar--he got his job through a friend--ended the interview by saying that, if I was hired, the firm wouldn't pay me very much, since "I wasn't really worth anything." Let's face it, there are people in this world who just want to shit on other peoples' accomplishments. Which brings me to Robert McKee.

What I mean sonofabitch!

All I can say is I'm glad I didn't attend all three days of the seminar, only the third day of the Genre Weekend: Comedy Day.

I must say I was disinclined to like him from the very beginning, when, at check in, I received the course materials, which McKee filled with all kinds of self-laudatory crap about how everybody in the entertainment industry comes to his seminar, how he received a Fullbright Scholarship, an Evans Scholarship to attend the University of Michigan, how he studied directing at the Old Vic, and blah, blah, blah. You're a winner--I get your fucking point!

Then he began his lecture by talking about his documentary for British Television: J'Accuse Citizen Kane, the central thesis of which is that Citizen Kane is the most overrated film ever made and the only reason people like it is because critics told them to like it. Now Citizen Kane is a favorite of mine and--I'm sure-- of many of the seminar's attendees. No better way to break the ice than by insulting a large segment of your audience. Then McKee bragged about how J'Accuse Citizen Kane won the BAFTA award, which, in Britain, is like the Oscar and Emmy rolled into one.

Then McKee proceeded to mention that he talked to Orson Welles and Welles agreed with him. What was Welles going to say?: My first film was my best film and my work downhill ever since? That's a painful thing to admit.

Anyway, whatever the merits of Welles or Citizen Kane, McKee is a snob. The same thing could be said of his son. McKee tells how he and his son walked out on Les Miserables at the intermission. When McKee asked his son if he wanted to stay, his son replied:"I know the rest of the audience loves this show, but just look at these people--They're the kind of people who go to Disneyworld."

Now I rather like Disneyworld. And whatever you say about either Welles or Disney, they're both undisputed geniuses, which is more than you can say for McKee.

You know, I really wanted to confront McKee, get in one good zinger before I left for the night. At the end of class, I started towards him, but then I chickened out. Instead, I turned and walked out the door, hearing in my mind the line I wish I had said out loud: "First, I'm gonna rent Citizen Kane, then I'm going to Disneyworld."