heckler

I've kinda settled down a little now from the extremes of anxiety I was feeling earlier in the week. But I'm not sure if it's better or worse. I think actually "settled" is the wrong word, "slumped" may be a better description. The fear is still there, the panic is still lurking under the surface, but I think I've just run out of energy to show it all the time. I can see the signs & I'm slipping into depression.
I'm just finding it hard to find any positives in anything right now
I feel helpless
I'm lonely
I'm feel lost
There's only one thing that helps, one person that can lift me beyond it, & when I'm talking to them I feel almost normal, when we're not talking I'm merely existing, but that's all.
For now my life has been put on hold. The next week is gonna be one of the toughest of my life.
I know the outcome I want & need. The outcome, not to sound too arrogant & selfish, that I think I deserve.
But life isn't always fair & this is something that's out of my hands
all I can do is wait, & I hate waiting