heckler

I've spent my whole life looking & waiting for that one person. That one girl who makes you feel alive, & I found her Its something I never thought would happen. I'm introverted & painfully shy. I never really thought I'd meet someone I could open up to & be myself, who I could be 100% comfortable with, & yet it happened. The cutest, sweetest, most adorable girl ever for some reason fell for me. The last 6 months has been the happiest & most amazing time of my life. I've loved every second of it. Its taken me places I never thought I'd ever go. Given me experiences I never thought I'd have. Given me a glimpse of a life I never thought would be there for me. Its given me a sense of belonging I've never come close to feeling in my adult life before, that feeling of home. like you have everything you'll ever need right there. I know whats its like to love someone unconditionally. & I've felt that love in return. But it turns out that love isn't enough. I've offered all thats in my power to give. I was, I still am, prepared to give up everything I know, everything I have to make it happen. But its not enough.
I've never asked for anything in life. I'm not interested in money or a career or whatever else. All I've ever wanted is to feel like I belong somewhere. Its something I've never felt before. I for a short time I had that. Before the real world took control & tore it from my grasp. It was everything I ever wanted & more. I've never asked for anything before but I asked & begged & pleaded with the universe & to whatever higher power there may be out there to give me this one thing. & it wasn't enough.
Logically its the only decision that she could have made. Its the only decision WE could have made. But it doesn't stop it hurting it doesn't lessen the pain.
No matter how improbable those dreams may have been I had that small flame of hope inside. that despite all the obstacles we would have to overcome that it was achievable. But even thats been extinguished now. leaving me a dead empty shell.
I know I'll always have as a friend. our bond is to strong for that not to be the case. Even right now when I'm as low as I've ever been before she can still make me smile. But.......I'm back to being alone. Maybe thats the way its meant to be.
I love her more than anything. I'll love her till my dying day
She's my soul mate
I know she feels the same
But its not enough

*ADDED JUNE 7TH*

I was in a bad place when I wrote all this yesterday. I just thought I'd update to say that although we've decided trying to stay as a couple was just too stressful & painful for either of us to cope with we are still best friends. We were actually talking for a good few hours last night. I think now that the pressure of trying to make a long distance relationship work is gone, we can go back to being what we started out being. Friends. close friends. I was really worried (terrified might be more accurate ) that that wouldn't be the case. that by ending the "romantic relationship" we would end the friendship too. I couldn't have been more wrong if I tried.
Marvel is the closest friend I've ever had. I think shes the closest friend I ever will have. I can never thank her enough for being there for me. For just being her