HO-HO PIE
Ingredients:
1)One enourmous pail of festering, filthy diapers from the infants AIDS ward.
2) 156 boxes of HO-HO's dug out of the dumpster. NOTE: Damaged HO-HO's are OK, Make sure to get that shit smeared all over the interior of you car when you are driving away.
3) One bag of potato chips all smashed up into little tiny peices.
4) One standard garden hose
5) Rubber Gloves
Directions:
Drive to your mothers house at 3am in the morning. Put on your rubber gloves and tiptoe up onto her lawn with the pail of dirty diapers. Smear the contents of the diapers all over the windows of her house.
Go to your car and fetch the garden hose and the bag of potato chips. Break into your mothers house and sneak into her room while she is sleeping.
Once you are in her room whip out the hose and start beating her with it. Start screaming at her what a shitty mother she was and how you are "all fucked-up now" because of her. NOTE: Even if your mom wasen't an asshole, scream this anyway. It only makes the recipie more enjoyable. Jump on the bed and straddle her chest so she can't get away. Dump the bag of potato chips all over her face and start rubbing them viciously into her eyes. (This will temporarily blind her to buy you some time for the next step of the recipie.)
Once your mother is properly blinded, run out to your car crying and screaming about how your father molested you and she knew all along and never bothered to intervene. Make sure the neighbors can hear, use a bullhorn if nessasary. Fetch the HO-HO's and run back into the house.
Once you are back in your moms room, start flipping the lightswitch off and on really fast and making disco noises. This not only looks really funny but it will confuse her some more. When she starts freaking out, demanding to know why you are doing such a thing thats when you throw the HO-HO's on the bed. Grab her hair and start viciously ramming her face into the damaged treats screaming at the top of your lungs, "YOU RUINED MY CHILDHOOD!!! IT'S YOUR FAULT I'M SUCH A FUCKING LOSER!!!! AAAAAAAAGH!!!"
By now the police should be at your mothers house demanding that you surrender. Calmly walk outside and give yourself up without any sort of resistance.
You will get taken to prison for awhile, but hell, it sure beats homelessness considering there are no jobs available and no unemployment left to be had....
Your mom will eventually forgive you. After all, that's what mothers do.....
Ingredients:
1)One enourmous pail of festering, filthy diapers from the infants AIDS ward.
2) 156 boxes of HO-HO's dug out of the dumpster. NOTE: Damaged HO-HO's are OK, Make sure to get that shit smeared all over the interior of you car when you are driving away.
3) One bag of potato chips all smashed up into little tiny peices.
4) One standard garden hose
5) Rubber Gloves
Directions:
Drive to your mothers house at 3am in the morning. Put on your rubber gloves and tiptoe up onto her lawn with the pail of dirty diapers. Smear the contents of the diapers all over the windows of her house.
Go to your car and fetch the garden hose and the bag of potato chips. Break into your mothers house and sneak into her room while she is sleeping.
Once you are in her room whip out the hose and start beating her with it. Start screaming at her what a shitty mother she was and how you are "all fucked-up now" because of her. NOTE: Even if your mom wasen't an asshole, scream this anyway. It only makes the recipie more enjoyable. Jump on the bed and straddle her chest so she can't get away. Dump the bag of potato chips all over her face and start rubbing them viciously into her eyes. (This will temporarily blind her to buy you some time for the next step of the recipie.)
Once your mother is properly blinded, run out to your car crying and screaming about how your father molested you and she knew all along and never bothered to intervene. Make sure the neighbors can hear, use a bullhorn if nessasary. Fetch the HO-HO's and run back into the house.
Once you are back in your moms room, start flipping the lightswitch off and on really fast and making disco noises. This not only looks really funny but it will confuse her some more. When she starts freaking out, demanding to know why you are doing such a thing thats when you throw the HO-HO's on the bed. Grab her hair and start viciously ramming her face into the damaged treats screaming at the top of your lungs, "YOU RUINED MY CHILDHOOD!!! IT'S YOUR FAULT I'M SUCH A FUCKING LOSER!!!! AAAAAAAAGH!!!"
By now the police should be at your mothers house demanding that you surrender. Calmly walk outside and give yourself up without any sort of resistance.
You will get taken to prison for awhile, but hell, it sure beats homelessness considering there are no jobs available and no unemployment left to be had....
Your mom will eventually forgive you. After all, that's what mothers do.....
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
escapegoat:
um.......i have tried cooking lately.......thatnks for the recipe.......i wish i had that last weekend......instead i gave her flower.......ya know what, they even scoffed at me when i showed for dinner........my hair(not the purple wig) must be a little long and too much rockstar for them.......i thought about puttin grandma in a headlock and the start throwing pork ribs at the rest of them, but they wouldnt understand.......they dont seem to understand anything
kudra:
I like the flipping the light switch with disco noises 