i am going into hibernation for a while - my thoughts are too jumbled, erratic and nonsensical - my habits are diminishing into bare essentials necessary for maintaining gainful employment and basic daily survival - insight, foresight and anything but mediocre judgement are lacking in my words and actions to an unacceptable extent
it's not the fault of anyone but me and the internet only plays a tertiary, mediating sort of role, but it is an unnecessary distraction for the time being - i have very little self control and i am actually starting to see the need for it these days, not a lot, not a little, just some lower-middle degree of it, hindsight being what it is - i am slowly putting together the pieces of "what is wrong" insofar as myself and my life are concerned - i am having small epiphanies as to the origins of certain patterns of and motivations for behaviors - maybe it's my recent birthday, maybe it's the "new year," maybe my subconscious is giving me a no holds barred, last ditch effort to keep me from completely self-destructing and/or bitterly loathing myself for all eternity - my motivations are unclear, but shit, i'm motivated
i need to restructure my universe - it's been too long in it's current formation and, if nothing else, i am getting terribly bored with the arrangement of atoms and black holes... which explains a lot of my outlandish-even-for-me behavior.
i will still be checking my email and using the phone as much as i ever do - i am not dropping off of the face of the planet - i am just doing away with everything extraneous
new years eve bash was fun - nothing to write home about, even if i hadn't been right next door, however - birthday wins as the best day of 2005 - i am in a perpetual resolution making state, so consider the above it for the year, it's big enough
i'll have a new photoset shot and submitted as soon as i get my confidence back and an idea occurs to me... creativity and confidence, two things every shoot fails without... if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to drop me a line... i'll be back as soon as i can be
it's not the fault of anyone but me and the internet only plays a tertiary, mediating sort of role, but it is an unnecessary distraction for the time being - i have very little self control and i am actually starting to see the need for it these days, not a lot, not a little, just some lower-middle degree of it, hindsight being what it is - i am slowly putting together the pieces of "what is wrong" insofar as myself and my life are concerned - i am having small epiphanies as to the origins of certain patterns of and motivations for behaviors - maybe it's my recent birthday, maybe it's the "new year," maybe my subconscious is giving me a no holds barred, last ditch effort to keep me from completely self-destructing and/or bitterly loathing myself for all eternity - my motivations are unclear, but shit, i'm motivated
i need to restructure my universe - it's been too long in it's current formation and, if nothing else, i am getting terribly bored with the arrangement of atoms and black holes... which explains a lot of my outlandish-even-for-me behavior.
i will still be checking my email and using the phone as much as i ever do - i am not dropping off of the face of the planet - i am just doing away with everything extraneous
new years eve bash was fun - nothing to write home about, even if i hadn't been right next door, however - birthday wins as the best day of 2005 - i am in a perpetual resolution making state, so consider the above it for the year, it's big enough
i'll have a new photoset shot and submitted as soon as i get my confidence back and an idea occurs to me... creativity and confidence, two things every shoot fails without... if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to drop me a line... i'll be back as soon as i can be
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
mirkywaters:
I know how you feel. Sometimes I just want to drop of the face of the planet and be alone and me for a while. Good luck with taking care of head. I hope to see you back here soon.
grumpyoldbastard:
