Okay, well I suppose it's time to update. This might be long since I'm posting my long-ass entry of summing up the last little while from my lj.
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Over the past few weeks I have been dealing with so much craziness; ups and downs, sadness, depression, elation, hope, anger, frustration, self-doubt, mediocre amount of pride, general distaste for some people and a general love for others.
on February 10th my sister and her boyfriend got engaged. I'm ridiculously happy for them, she couldn't have found a better partner for herself and father-figure for her child. On August 27th, they will be married somewhere up north. I'm the only attendant (my sister's not really into the whole wedding party shebang) which I guess means I'm the 'maid of honour'. It makes me very happy that my sister chose me to stand there with her on such a special occasion. But, I am kinda nervous about having to make a speech. EEEEEP! I hate public speaking. At least I'll know 80% of the people there, since my sister's guest list is like a million times longer than Victor's. HA!
Then, mere hours after I found about my sister's engagement, a very close family friend, neighbour, mentor to my parents and grandfather-esque to my sister and I, passed away at 4am on February 11th. It still hasn't really hit me that he won't be coming to my side door bringing my Mom a Tim Horton's coffee every morning, or joining my family for tea while he talks about his many travels around the world, or that I won't run into him on the street while he's walking the dog. He was a huge part of my entire life, and it has been extremely hard for my family to let go, so I can only imagine what it's been like for his very close family to get through this. My dad cried when the casket was lowered. My neighbour used to always say that my dad was his oldest son. Almost every inch of my parents' home has bits of him interlaced throughout... you see he was a contractor and for many years owned his own construction company (which 2 of his sons have taken over since his retirement), so every home renovation done here... he has always come over to help. He was one of the most amazing, caring, kind-hearted and selfless people I'll ever know. And I still haven't totally gotten used to the idea of him being gone forever.
*wipes away the tears*
Other than that, the last few weeks have been filled with seemingly endless amounts of crazy work, job interviews, phone calls, running around, being sick with a pulmonary infection, monetary issues, and general depression kicking my ass. No matter what I do, I can't seem to feel whole. I feel like a zombie, just going through the motions of life... which kills me because I love what I'm doing as a career, I love the field I'm getting into, being on set enthralls me, filmmaking makes me want to be alive... and yet, here I am complaining about how dismal my life feels.
i have an idea
many ideas
swirling around me
drowning me in dreams
colourful nightmares
brought to life on paper
visualized in my mind
projected on a screen
this is my life
this is my passion, my art
my way out of it all
my way to survive
I have so many ideas- but for some reason they are trapped inside my head - taunting me, torturing me, and never materializing into anything more than a passing thought- an unconcious blip in my own art-time continuum.
Once again I find myself so terribly unmotivated. And as I come closer to the end of my education I fear that my spirit - my art- will just slowly die away - eroded away by my own stupidity. When will I finally realize that it is time to step up, to shape up, to change myself and make myself something more than this.
So many ideas. Exploding inside me, dying to erupt. I need to be granted the strength to pursue my own happiness- to pursue life with all the guts and all the glory - an all the while remembering to never look back.
If you read that, thanks.. I just needed to vent a wee bit.
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So I guess that's it... in other news though, things have been shaping up a little bit. I started to work on a feature film this week called Kardia, which is part of Telefilm Canadas Low Budget Independent Feature Film Assistance Program. I've been doing pre-production with the Art Department and really it has been a dream come true. I
it.
Have a good weekend everyone. I think I'm going to Mod Club tonight. SHould be fun, at least I'll get some dancing in this week.
es to all!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Over the past few weeks I have been dealing with so much craziness; ups and downs, sadness, depression, elation, hope, anger, frustration, self-doubt, mediocre amount of pride, general distaste for some people and a general love for others.
on February 10th my sister and her boyfriend got engaged. I'm ridiculously happy for them, she couldn't have found a better partner for herself and father-figure for her child. On August 27th, they will be married somewhere up north. I'm the only attendant (my sister's not really into the whole wedding party shebang) which I guess means I'm the 'maid of honour'. It makes me very happy that my sister chose me to stand there with her on such a special occasion. But, I am kinda nervous about having to make a speech. EEEEEP! I hate public speaking. At least I'll know 80% of the people there, since my sister's guest list is like a million times longer than Victor's. HA!
Then, mere hours after I found about my sister's engagement, a very close family friend, neighbour, mentor to my parents and grandfather-esque to my sister and I, passed away at 4am on February 11th. It still hasn't really hit me that he won't be coming to my side door bringing my Mom a Tim Horton's coffee every morning, or joining my family for tea while he talks about his many travels around the world, or that I won't run into him on the street while he's walking the dog. He was a huge part of my entire life, and it has been extremely hard for my family to let go, so I can only imagine what it's been like for his very close family to get through this. My dad cried when the casket was lowered. My neighbour used to always say that my dad was his oldest son. Almost every inch of my parents' home has bits of him interlaced throughout... you see he was a contractor and for many years owned his own construction company (which 2 of his sons have taken over since his retirement), so every home renovation done here... he has always come over to help. He was one of the most amazing, caring, kind-hearted and selfless people I'll ever know. And I still haven't totally gotten used to the idea of him being gone forever.
*wipes away the tears*
Other than that, the last few weeks have been filled with seemingly endless amounts of crazy work, job interviews, phone calls, running around, being sick with a pulmonary infection, monetary issues, and general depression kicking my ass. No matter what I do, I can't seem to feel whole. I feel like a zombie, just going through the motions of life... which kills me because I love what I'm doing as a career, I love the field I'm getting into, being on set enthralls me, filmmaking makes me want to be alive... and yet, here I am complaining about how dismal my life feels.
i have an idea
many ideas
swirling around me
drowning me in dreams
colourful nightmares
brought to life on paper
visualized in my mind
projected on a screen
this is my life
this is my passion, my art
my way out of it all
my way to survive
I have so many ideas- but for some reason they are trapped inside my head - taunting me, torturing me, and never materializing into anything more than a passing thought- an unconcious blip in my own art-time continuum.
Once again I find myself so terribly unmotivated. And as I come closer to the end of my education I fear that my spirit - my art- will just slowly die away - eroded away by my own stupidity. When will I finally realize that it is time to step up, to shape up, to change myself and make myself something more than this.
So many ideas. Exploding inside me, dying to erupt. I need to be granted the strength to pursue my own happiness- to pursue life with all the guts and all the glory - an all the while remembering to never look back.
If you read that, thanks.. I just needed to vent a wee bit.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
So I guess that's it... in other news though, things have been shaping up a little bit. I started to work on a feature film this week called Kardia, which is part of Telefilm Canadas Low Budget Independent Feature Film Assistance Program. I've been doing pre-production with the Art Department and really it has been a dream come true. I
it.
Have a good weekend everyone. I think I'm going to Mod Club tonight. SHould be fun, at least I'll get some dancing in this week.
es to all!VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Way to go, Ms. Pliskin!
Good luck on your movie,The Final Sacrafice will always be my favorite Canadian movie though