I'm home! Yayyy for being home...not.
Anyway, I saw Thirteen this weekend. It was really disturbing...I'm so tired of people saying it's unrealistic...so many things in that movie remind me of myself when I was thirteen. I think the whole unpopular-popular girl roles are taken to an extreme...I know I can identify with both of the girls...I know what it's like to want to be friends with someone so badly that you would do anything..and I know what it's like to allow yourself to be completely objectified and used and pretend that you like it...
I smoked my first cigarette when I was 12.
I drank my first alcohol when I was 9.
I got drunk for the first time when I was 14.
I had sex for the first time when I was 15.
I smoked pot for the first time when I was 16.
I did cocaine the first time when I was 18.
I started cutting when I was 11.
I can't watch movies where people cut themselves without crying. I know it sounds stupid. I cry every time Luke Wilson tries to kill himself in Royal Tenenbaums. I cried the last time it showed Tracy cutting herself in this movie. My boyfriend thinks I'm a weirdo. But people don't understand...you don't do it for attention...I think she did it for the pain...rusty scissors can't feel good...I never liked the pain...I did it with a tourniquet and a new razorblade because I liked the bleeding. I would tie myself up as tight as I could and wait til my arm turned purple because it would bleed the most then. It felt like something bad was being let out and afterwards I would just feel numb for a while...but the next day I would always feel really ashamed and embarassed and I went to huge lengths to hide it...all the years I did it only two people actually said anything about it. I still have a row of little razor scars almost to my elbow from my wrist, about half a centimeter apart. When I started getting tattoos, I usually made it a point to get them in the most uncomfortable places. When my mom would get upset about it, I would tell her that it kept me from hurting myself...like therapy, in a weird way.
I don't understand why alternative culture glorifies cutting so much. I was watching Mtv the other day and saw some shit Linkin Park video where a girl was cutting herself...and what made me angry was...there's no message here...all kids see is that this girl cuts herself too and that makes it ok...it makes it "cool"....it's not fucking cool...it's wallowing in your own self pity...it's weakness and it's sad. It's funny now because even though I still think about it, I have absolutely no desire to do it. Sometimes I wonder how much of what I went through might have been a chemical imbalance that's fixed itself now. I honestly don't remember much of how it even felt.
Anyways, I think this movie is worth watching with an open mind. It made me feel a lot better to know that I wasn't the only one.
(PS-Wonderland is good too...it's the story of John Holmes and his connection to the Wonderland murders...Val Kilmer kicks ass in it and Kate Bosworth actually acts and..surprise surprise...is very good. It even has Lisa Kudrow as Val's estranged wife for all you Friends freaks out there.)
Anyway, I saw Thirteen this weekend. It was really disturbing...I'm so tired of people saying it's unrealistic...so many things in that movie remind me of myself when I was thirteen. I think the whole unpopular-popular girl roles are taken to an extreme...I know I can identify with both of the girls...I know what it's like to want to be friends with someone so badly that you would do anything..and I know what it's like to allow yourself to be completely objectified and used and pretend that you like it...
I smoked my first cigarette when I was 12.
I drank my first alcohol when I was 9.
I got drunk for the first time when I was 14.
I had sex for the first time when I was 15.
I smoked pot for the first time when I was 16.
I did cocaine the first time when I was 18.
I started cutting when I was 11.
I can't watch movies where people cut themselves without crying. I know it sounds stupid. I cry every time Luke Wilson tries to kill himself in Royal Tenenbaums. I cried the last time it showed Tracy cutting herself in this movie. My boyfriend thinks I'm a weirdo. But people don't understand...you don't do it for attention...I think she did it for the pain...rusty scissors can't feel good...I never liked the pain...I did it with a tourniquet and a new razorblade because I liked the bleeding. I would tie myself up as tight as I could and wait til my arm turned purple because it would bleed the most then. It felt like something bad was being let out and afterwards I would just feel numb for a while...but the next day I would always feel really ashamed and embarassed and I went to huge lengths to hide it...all the years I did it only two people actually said anything about it. I still have a row of little razor scars almost to my elbow from my wrist, about half a centimeter apart. When I started getting tattoos, I usually made it a point to get them in the most uncomfortable places. When my mom would get upset about it, I would tell her that it kept me from hurting myself...like therapy, in a weird way.
I don't understand why alternative culture glorifies cutting so much. I was watching Mtv the other day and saw some shit Linkin Park video where a girl was cutting herself...and what made me angry was...there's no message here...all kids see is that this girl cuts herself too and that makes it ok...it makes it "cool"....it's not fucking cool...it's wallowing in your own self pity...it's weakness and it's sad. It's funny now because even though I still think about it, I have absolutely no desire to do it. Sometimes I wonder how much of what I went through might have been a chemical imbalance that's fixed itself now. I honestly don't remember much of how it even felt.
Anyways, I think this movie is worth watching with an open mind. It made me feel a lot better to know that I wasn't the only one.
(PS-Wonderland is good too...it's the story of John Holmes and his connection to the Wonderland murders...Val Kilmer kicks ass in it and Kate Bosworth actually acts and..surprise surprise...is very good. It even has Lisa Kudrow as Val's estranged wife for all you Friends freaks out there.)
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Next Tuesday's The Real World has to do with Frankie's cutting. It will be interesting to see how the issue it portrayed...