I try and keep my journals depression free, but I find a need to talk to someone, but I have no one to talk to. I figure I can post what I need to say here and hopefully this may inspire someone to start a dialogue with me. Alas, as hardly anyone reads my journal, I feel I may be doing nothing more than whispering into the wind. But here it goes:
As I try and bring an end to my documentary, I find that once the documentary is done, I may no longer have an incentive to shoot any more erotica or fetish photos. This saddens me as I have discovered I truly love doing these types of photos. But circumstances seem to dictate that I do not do what I love (as usual).
It's been two months since I've shot anyone and find that I have quickly drifted into a creative dead zone. The longer I go without shooting the more into this dead zone I will drift, and the harder it will be to work myself out, even when I start shooting again. Albeit, I am not entirely without ideas, it's just the ideas that spring into my head, I have neither the money, the place and/or the skill to accomplish it.
I also seem to have the ability to not find anyone to shoot and when I do I rarely get to shoot them a second time. When I try and set dates, if I get any responses at all, they tend to be filled with vagueness about when and what they want to shoot. Trying to get clarification is usually met with no response what-so-ever. The models that I have shoot multiple times, seem to have started to find excuses not to shoot with me. I think what annoys me most about this, is if they really don't want to shoot with me any more, I'd rather they tell me to leave them alone rather than leading me on, so to speak. Predominately, I have enjoyed working with every model I have shot. I just wonder if the feelings are mutual. And, honestly, a lack of subjects to shoot will really put a damper on shooting erotica.
Also, I'm not certain if my photography is actually any good. I'm my worst critic (I blame my parents), so I try and post some of my images online for feedback. When I do post pictures, the response is relatively underwhelming, both negatively or positively. The lack of responses make me think I'm not doing anything special and make me also feel that the few positive comments I get are mostly just ego-stroking rather than genuine.
I just don't know what to do and uncertain how to pull myself out of this funk. I find that I may end up packing away my camera again for another 15 years until the desire to create becomes so overwhelming I that I have to pull it out again.
As I try and bring an end to my documentary, I find that once the documentary is done, I may no longer have an incentive to shoot any more erotica or fetish photos. This saddens me as I have discovered I truly love doing these types of photos. But circumstances seem to dictate that I do not do what I love (as usual).
It's been two months since I've shot anyone and find that I have quickly drifted into a creative dead zone. The longer I go without shooting the more into this dead zone I will drift, and the harder it will be to work myself out, even when I start shooting again. Albeit, I am not entirely without ideas, it's just the ideas that spring into my head, I have neither the money, the place and/or the skill to accomplish it.
I also seem to have the ability to not find anyone to shoot and when I do I rarely get to shoot them a second time. When I try and set dates, if I get any responses at all, they tend to be filled with vagueness about when and what they want to shoot. Trying to get clarification is usually met with no response what-so-ever. The models that I have shoot multiple times, seem to have started to find excuses not to shoot with me. I think what annoys me most about this, is if they really don't want to shoot with me any more, I'd rather they tell me to leave them alone rather than leading me on, so to speak. Predominately, I have enjoyed working with every model I have shot. I just wonder if the feelings are mutual. And, honestly, a lack of subjects to shoot will really put a damper on shooting erotica.
Also, I'm not certain if my photography is actually any good. I'm my worst critic (I blame my parents), so I try and post some of my images online for feedback. When I do post pictures, the response is relatively underwhelming, both negatively or positively. The lack of responses make me think I'm not doing anything special and make me also feel that the few positive comments I get are mostly just ego-stroking rather than genuine.
I just don't know what to do and uncertain how to pull myself out of this funk. I find that I may end up packing away my camera again for another 15 years until the desire to create becomes so overwhelming I that I have to pull it out again.
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I am so excited to see it.