hazzard

God I love October..........


It's brisk and chilly and everything feels right with skulls adorned in stores and this time of year I stock up on my home decor because it's not out of the norm to find bats and skulls. AAAAAAAAHHHHHH YES


So I was approached by a society in Red Deer to donate a photography package. I gladly offered my services after I found out it was Suicide Prevention.

You see one of my best friends older brother killed himself when we were kids. That was my first encounter with someone who took their own life. Watching my best friend grow up without his brother was so difficult. He struggled emotionally and I can personally remember fight after fight he got in because his anger was so strong. One time he punched a phone booth (yup I am that old phone booths still existed) and his arm went right through the glass... it tore open his arm and exposed the flesh. I ran to my Blazer and grabbed my hoodies that were in the trunk and tied his arms and took him to the hospital where I phoned his parents. His Mom to this day thanks me for being there to support her son. We've been BFF's for over 15 years and a day doesn't pass where I thank the gods that he never ended his life also because I know at times he did struggle.

Then came the day when two teens killed themselves at our school. Bullying was so bad that these two boys ended their lives. One of them I grew up with and the other I just met in Grade 10. I still run into his brother here and there who is now a monk.

I lost my friend Greg on the night of his CD release and that one was a total shocker. He was my Florida friend I enjoyed visiting annually and watching his band play live. These boys finally made it. They were one of the songs you hear on the WB and also featured on One Tree Hill so when he ended his life it made me question what happened? Greg was always all smile and even when he was on tour he took the time to write me and tell me what fun things went down. He left his brother who the last time I was in Florida met. They play in the same band but it was hard this time meeting his brother because when I look at him I see Greg. They dedicated the show to him and it was so hard to listen to the music and fight the tears.

Then came this year. I am sure plenty of you saw my posts looking for a friend who went missing. My buddy Andrew was sent to BC to an addictions center to live as he battled with a alcoholic addiction. Funny thing.. when we were younger he never ever touched the stuff. People were always like wtf?? why don't you party? but Andrew always offered to be the D.D. When I was 17 he told me why he always offered to drive. He was schizophrenic and because of his mental illness was on heavy duty medication. When we entered our mid 20's Andrew's demons got the best of him and he was on a downward spiral with booze and his Mom made the choice to move him away.

This year I got a chilling phone call from a friend asking if he contacted me. Andrew is missing. Weeks went by and then I had a bone chilling dream where Andrew visited me. He was on the steps of my parents house and saying how much he missed me and this was the last place he knew where to find me. I started to cry in my dream and say how worried we are and you need to call you mom. Andrew went blank. He dropped his face into his hands and cried. He said it is too late. Then I saw a flash of forest and felt cold. I woke up in a shock.

The next day.. they found his body. They posted a photo of where I saw him in my dream. What was even more weird... at the memorial I talked to the other two friends who were really close and I started to cry and tell them about the dream and how that is when I knew he was dead. My one friend threw up and the other went blank. They both had the exact same dream.

So Suicide hits home with me. My sister is a suicide survivor and on medication to battle her depression. When she told me about trying to kill herself years ago it almost killed me to hear this. She was the product of high school bullies and we were not friends in high school. I was the "Lil Miss Popular" who was a part of the mean girls group and she was that lonely nerd in the hallways with only one friend. Every day for two months she came home and cried. Finally I got her to tell me what the issue was. The mean girls in her grade were throwing things at her in class.. taping notes to her back and making fun of her for being fat. As my sister cried telling me these things I knew that I was going to do something. I waited outside of her class and when the bell rang I grabbed the head mean girl by her arm and threw her into the locker. I held her there and told her what a horrible person she was and if she doesn't treat people with respect she will have to deal with me.

I don't condone violence of any kind but I put the fear of god into these girls. She told me she doesn't know what I am talking about and when my sister walked out she froze and went blank. I said that right there is my little sister and what your doing is wrong. After watching two kids in my grade kill themselves for being in my sisters shoes I have zero tolerance with bullies. As soon as they saw my sister I got the whole "I didn't know she was your sister" THAT DOES NOT MATTER! A PERSON IS A PERSON!. So after making a big scene those girls for the rest of there school days left my sister alone. She yelled at me when I got home about how much I embarrassed her and now everyone at our school knows who she is.. she is now the little sister.

A couple years ago she told me that if I never did that for her she was going to take her own life.

So that is why suicide hits home with me. It's a part of my life and prevention is key.