hazie

cheers to a good evening. today was impeccibly boring. sitting around the house not doing much of anything. but ah hah! I had a plan you see... although now that I think about it I should have rented that movie I needed to watch... NO MATTER THOUGH! hah you see... I have just returned from playing pool with Nikki, Chris, and Carlos! (at this very moment I realize I still have no picture of nikki... it will come to those who are patient) anyhow. it was a nice evening. everyone smoking, minus mee. nikki with 4 (2 22oz) bud lights in her hey! I told her to slow down I always tell her how I care about her. always.

she was way stressed out...

brought up the fact that she could go for a back massage.... I replied "so could I" inferring that I would give her won. and she was like well yea I need one don't feel like giving one.. I said "ah yes (milady) I indeed meant I would give one however would be quite honored if I could recieve one as well..... so I gave her a GOOD massage.

the lower back (my specialty!) made her quiver. yes! lords and ladies QUIVER and moan she did! when she started loosing most of the stress she had of being around (me?) all of us I found her knots... she has a HUGE one on her right shoulder... I worked on it all night. throughout playing pool... I believe she beat me the one time we played.... how upsetting only once.

and when carlos came he came with a fury... and started making moves on her... carlos, I am going to have to disown you as a friend cause you keep pulling shit to piss me off. he knows it bothers me... he knows it bothers her. I talked to nikki about it today... okay not really talked to her... just pointed out that he has a thing for her. and is often trying to impress her. I said but what is the point nothing impresses nikki... she said that's not true.... and left it at that.



anyhow it is a long story... and to give you a shortened version of it. I feel that as of tonight I have done ALL that I can to prove my love for her, to her. without crossing that line. in other words without kissing her, without anything more than friendly rubs and scratches here and there.... I wish however that I could say she's resting comfortably in my bed right now. but she is not.... hopefully we'll do the movie thing on saturday night... I talked to her about it.... sunday she is going to cook. I'm not really very sure.

I have about 3 things to do saturday after work... I can 1) go to a party at a co-workers house that will probably be pretty nice.
2) spend the evening with a pretty much complete stranger,,, however meagerly attractive, and slightly arousing. or
3) push everything else aside and hope and beg and plead for a movie night with nikki.

she said we can do it then, but like most of you have seen she flakes alot. she told me to call her on saturday.... something I am very leary off because I do not wish to scare her off.


well tonight was a good night... and I'm going to finish this bud right now er beer. it has made me feel even better about the evening and happier than I was when I got home... and I was pretty happy to begin with.

like I was saying though, the only thing that could make tonight better is if I was kissing nikki on the forehead or cheek goodnight. as I tucked into bed with her or even just tucked her into bed. she means so much to me.


people come here and call me obsessed... well yea... if you are truly in love with someone, are you not obsessed with them? obviously if nikki saw this I wouldn't know what to do with myself I'd crawl in a hole until I died. but the point is this is a JOURNAL. I write my thoughts and other things down so I do not have so much stress.

ahh the hug at the end of the night is always a sweet one. the worrying that she made it home okay is something I always am not to fond of.... but I'm sure she did. she's going to the battle of the bands in corona tomorrow. I hope she has fun and dosen't get TOO wasted. and then I will see her saturday at work. and the game continues.

goodnight.