hazie

I got to hang out with nikki for a bit last night...

I invited her to come shoot pool with us... she told me she'd see me there.... she worked until 11... and we were there all night... kinda sucks she didn't show up until the place was JUST CLOSING... I was really upset about that.... she said "I WILL SEE YOU THERE" and then we waited all night for her... we'd all given up and then she showed up. during our last game ....when we were almost done. damnit... "fasionably late?" no that's irritably late... but she explained to me a friend of hers was having problems...... so I understood that and forgave her... friends are important and should always be taken care of first, of course.

still... I was irritated... but seeing her face is like... jeeze it's magic for me she's so beautiful,

we went back to carlos' house and breeze (another co-worker friend... who's my age actually) and carlos went to go get alcohol nikki and I chilled outside and she smoked ... and we talked... again. I talked about how I have problems talking to girls I like... and how carlos is trying to tell me what to say what to do etc. and her and I both agree that he knows NOTHING... that was really the big picture.... I was so nervous trying to get out my feelings... and shy god I'm such a dork when I'm nervous.... and she told me "girls want a guy with confidence" I tried to tell her I was thinking directly of her by saying "is that just you or is it all girls hmm" she answered with "I listen to all of my friends, and thats what girls want" hmm I know she wants a confident guy... and I am.... but when I'm shy and trying to express my feelings I get all shy and yea that's not confidence... dosen't look like confidence at all.

eventually they came back.... in all I'd say the night turned into a bomb it wasn't that great. no where near as great as wednsday. she left no hug nothing but then carlos and breeze were following us.... so yea maybe that's why but I don't know...

I'm going to ask her to lunch since we work at the same time. and basically try and tell her all that's eating me. no not try I will if she agrees to go to lunch with me I need some time alone with her... I love that time.

hopefully we get to.