hazie

I just made this super big entry about how nikki blew me off... again 3rd strike she's out... she tells me she wants to be friends blah blah blah... but she dosen't treat me like ANY of her other friends... and by that I mean not at all even treats me like a friend more like a strange kid.

so I'm kinda pissed off at girls right now... why can't she just fucking be blunt and say "hey I don't wanna do anythig to night" that's fine I can take that hint it's blunt and honest and straight forward... I called 5 times got disconnected 3 times... didn't even talk to the person in her department one of the times and the last time (mind you I was JUST TALKING TO HER!) the person that answered the phone told me she wasn't there anymore! what the hell
fuck it I'm tired of this shit SO SO TIRED of this BULLSHIT.....

I feel like all my so-called co-worker friends are not even my friends... they only use me for shit and I'm tired of it. it's just crap....
I am bound to be ETERNALLY single...

I wish I could just meet a nice (suicide) girl and be happy with her... too bad that's just fucking nuts. most of the girls that have actually talked to me from here are soo nice... and real an I mean sincere and it's great. but even if they had some interest in me... it wouldn't matter none of them live here. I've tried the long distance shit... I've tried the lusting after. I've tried the love at first sight. I've even tried the acting like you don't like the person nothing works... I've tried being myself (sadly myself is not usually represented online) lately it has been but I mean this just it's the straw that broke the camel's back y'know?


and no the other 2% of the girls UBER hate me. I mean there are few that I say are just awesome and amazing.....

right now Amber and Ramona get the most credit they've actually gone out of their way to talk to me and I REALLY REALLY appreciate it. it really makes me feel better.....and right now I'm wishing I could have gone to that club "perversion" or what it is ....

then there's Morgan who well I'm not sure she has pieced together who I am but she was great before and still is she's a wonderful social person and sweet! (and redhead! cha cha!) that gives her like 90 thousand bonus points (sorry) I don't know any IRL. I don't know any girls as cool or attractive as the ones on SG. it sucks. people in so cal judge so much on looks... I am NOT a looker at all.

nikki makes me soo sad. aure does too I'm tired of girls flaking on me. I am done trying to go after the girls I find attractive fuck it just let them come to me (haaa haa yea right... in my dreams!!!)