hawksley

We have aserver at work called artemis and I always say it in a pirate voice. Arrrhtemis. It annoys my manager but I think he secretly like it.

I am a pirate captain.
My ship is the Chicken of the Sea.
I excel at battle and wenching.
My first mate is brown.
He made our pirate flag.
It features an angry-eyed giant squid poised to strike on a red field of hooks and skulls.
I carry my keys on brass bar engraved with the word CAPTAIN, and my sword leans on a wall beside my bed.

All of this is true.