My brother just called from Iraq. He wants to come home and is miserable. But! He still has his sick sense of humor.
God. I miss him.
In other news - I have a meeting with Mr. Okun tomorrow. Yes, the man who owns the shoe store. The man who hates women, the youth and those who aren't conservative. He's going to hate me! And!...
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My ship is the Chicken of the Sea.
I excel at battle and wenching.
My first mate is brown.
He made our pirate flag.
It features an angry-eyed giant squid poised to strike on a red field of hooks and skulls.
I carry my keys on brass bar engraved with the word CAPTAIN, and my sword leans on a wall beside my bed.
All of this is true.