hatter_

Right, errr yeah. Basicly, after talking with laura this morning (which followed a full bore shouting match, sweat, tears, and very nearly blood... Very very close to coming to blows) I am to write shit that is bothering me down now.

This is basicly cos I have a whole head full of bad wiring, which, basicly put, scares the holy jebus crap outta me. For the first time ever I've come to very nearly intentionally physically hurting Laura this morning. Which is the first time I've let go and nearly lost control in about 12 years, maybe a little more. That still scares me. To know I have the ability to totally loose control and go off the rails at the drop of a hat.

Yes I know I need professional help, and that there is no subsitute for it, and I am aware already, knowing my family medical history, that things are only ever gonna get worse for me. However, I don't have the time, nor the finicial means to seek professional help. I am the sole income in this house hold, and there is just no way I can take the time off work to sort this out professionally rght now, or for the foreseeable (sp?) future.

So there we are, bang, boom, crash. Done.

also re dicovered this band: