"Good news! Now PetsMart has karate classes right inside the store! Want to teach your dog how to break boards with it's head or get your cat to defend against ninjas? Just stop by a PetsMart today and speak to an accredited pet sensai or associate."
And so went another day at the fabulous Marte de Pettes. I've announced that over the loudspeaker several times, to date. My ongoing War On Boredom has yet to get me fired but I've a feeling it's only a matter of time. If I give up, the Terrorists will have won. Not on my watch! Go, America, go!
Speaking of America, I keep hearing all these ads for Live 8. It happened weeks ago, but for some reason the radio continues to remind me that Bono and P. Diddy overcame history and united to kill world hunger. My first reaction is one of complete indifference. Then I get annoyed because you know they only did it for headlines. Then I realize that at least they're attempting to do some good. And it makes me feel like a terrible, terrible person.
So! In order to do good in the world, I, too, am going to fight world hunger. Here goes.
Dear World Hunger,
You suck. Seriously, what's your deal? No one likes your style. Do you have any idea how annoying it is when I'm in a parking lot and some homeless filth boy I don't even know comes up and asks for the dimes in my pocket? I don't want to have to reach in, grab those dimes, pull my hand out of my pocket, and then hand them over. That takes so much energy. Those dvd collections of Gilmore Girls and bags of jewels aren't going to put themselves into my S.U.V., you know.
In closing, you're a selfish jerk. Stop killing babies, please.
Sincerely,
Horatio J. Esquire, Esq.
There. Now all that's left to do is sit back and wait for all the fat people to die of heart attacks.
And so went another day at the fabulous Marte de Pettes. I've announced that over the loudspeaker several times, to date. My ongoing War On Boredom has yet to get me fired but I've a feeling it's only a matter of time. If I give up, the Terrorists will have won. Not on my watch! Go, America, go!
Speaking of America, I keep hearing all these ads for Live 8. It happened weeks ago, but for some reason the radio continues to remind me that Bono and P. Diddy overcame history and united to kill world hunger. My first reaction is one of complete indifference. Then I get annoyed because you know they only did it for headlines. Then I realize that at least they're attempting to do some good. And it makes me feel like a terrible, terrible person.
So! In order to do good in the world, I, too, am going to fight world hunger. Here goes.
Dear World Hunger,
You suck. Seriously, what's your deal? No one likes your style. Do you have any idea how annoying it is when I'm in a parking lot and some homeless filth boy I don't even know comes up and asks for the dimes in my pocket? I don't want to have to reach in, grab those dimes, pull my hand out of my pocket, and then hand them over. That takes so much energy. Those dvd collections of Gilmore Girls and bags of jewels aren't going to put themselves into my S.U.V., you know.
In closing, you're a selfish jerk. Stop killing babies, please.
Sincerely,
Horatio J. Esquire, Esq.
There. Now all that's left to do is sit back and wait for all the fat people to die of heart attacks.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Being a crusader is hard .
Since you work at Le Marte de Pettes, i have an infininately wondered question... If ferrets are illegal in CA, how come you sell the coolest shit for them to play in?
And how come the Chinchillas are no longer in that grey dust, but cedar shavings?
Please help a confused kitty understand
ps. i found you thru the silly SG match thingie... we like, match or something.