hastwothumbs

Why I Can't Get Laid: Reason 7,294

Trent In Chains: I want to make out with you.
Trent In Chains: And awkwardly feel you up, like a lobotomized thirteen year old.
[name withheld]: is this michael?
[name withheld]:: no i didn't think so.
Trent In Chains: It is, too.
[name withheld]: you're only expressing my wildest fantasy.
Trent In Chains: Let's hang out in a park so I can assault you, sexually.
[name withheld]: it would hardly be assault.
Trent In Chains: And then I'll take you to the back seat of my car and ravage you like like a rabid animal.
[name withheld]:: ravage me on top of the wal mart towels and fruity pebble cereal boxes.
Trent In Chains: We must listen to Styx while this happens.
[name withheld]:: oh no.
Trent In Chains: Okay, fine.
Trent In Chains: So when do you want to become Siamese twins joined at the naughty bits?
f[name withheld]: that made my sunburn hurt.
[name withheld]: soon, but not that soon.
Trent In Chains: What's wrong with now?
[name withheld]: i'd feel bad.
Trent In Chains: About taking advantage of me?
Trent In Chains: Scandalous!
[name withheld]: i could go for that.
Trent In Chains: You lie.
[name withheld]: you know i'm not lying.
[name withheld]:: you know.
Trent In Chains: All I want to do is throw ice cream at you and then eat it off you, but apparently that's too much to ask. .
[name withheld]: you didn't ask in the first place.
Trent In Chains: Geez, what's the world coming to when decent, honest working people can't attempt to tip over their car by the sheer force of pelvic thrusts?
Trent In Chains: I say!
Trent In Chains: Bad form!
[name withheld]: :-) oh please, you're not honest.
Trent In Chains: I'm honest enough where I should be able to try to stab you in the uterus with my Devout Johnson.
Trent In Chains: I have +3 boot knocking!
Trent In Chains: +3 boot knocking, I say!
[name withheld]: what does +3 refer to.
Trent In Chains: Never you mind.
[name withheld]:: always i mind.
[name withheld]:: especially when it involves the idea of a sexy human being stabbibg my uterus with his devout johnson.
Trent In Chains: Whatever. The point, as it very well may be, is that I am a Landmark of Modern Pornography. I demand respect, fear, and spankings.
Trent In Chains: Sometimes pizza.
Trent In Chains: And on major religious holidays a guest appearance on Joey.
[name withheld]:: being fearful of you isn't simple. it would be easier to be frightened of the pizza i think.
Trent In Chains: I'm small and scrawny, but I can... um...
Trent In Chains: Cry a lot?
Trent In Chains: Bleed on you?
Trent In Chains: That's kinda scary.
Trent In Chains: Blood and tears staining your shirt.
Trent In Chains: The dry cleaning bill would be outrageous.
[name withheld]: maybe, if the blood were coming from your brain. then it might be vaguely scary.
[name withheld]: not a problem, i'd just menstruate all over your wal mart towels as pay back.
Trent In Chains: I'd then wrap them around my head and declare a jihad.
Trent In Chains: ...I'm going to regret saying that someday.
[name withheld]: gosh how sexy.
Trent In Chains: You know you're flattered.
Trent In Chains: Don't try to deny it.
[name withheld]: i didn't try.
[name withheld]: & i am indeed rather flattered.
Trent In Chains: Flattered enough to consider shaving my rear and peeing on the cuts?
[name withheld]: are you implying that i'm a sloppy shaver? i'll have you know that i can shave a whole family of kiwis without one single wound.
Trent In Chains: I'm implying that I can use my Divine Manhood to breaks planks of wood, bricks, and sport utility vehicles.
[name withheld]: impressive.
Trent In Chains: "Impressive?"
Trent In Chains: That's all you have to say?
[name withheld]: no there's a lot more. it's all embodied in that one word.
Trent In Chains: Can YOUR Blessed William conduct lightning? I think not!
[name withheld]: william?!
[name withheld]: oh jeez.
Trent In Chains: Consecrated David, maybe?
[name withheld]: no, that's not good enough.
Trent In Chains: Girls seem to tell me that a lot.
[name withheld]: don't be so modest.
[name withheld]:: you are a chick magnet.
Trent In Chains: The only problem being that the chicks and I are polarized, thus I repel them.
Trent In Chains: Geez, I haven't used science to emasculate myself in years.
[name withheld] signed off at 6:14 PM