hastwothumbs

Right now, I'm wearing Spongebob Squarepants boxers that my mom bought me for Christmas. They're very comfy.

I went to my uncle's house for Christmas dinner. His three kids annoy the hell out of everyone. So I do my best to scare them away from me. As I came out of the bathroom, the youngest tried to talk to me. So I went Taxi Driver on his ass.
Him: Hi.
Me: What?
Him: Hi.
Me: What did you say?
Him: I said, hi.
Me: You said hi?
Him: Yeah. Hi.
Me: And you said this to ME?
Him: Yeah...
Me: You were talking to me?
Him: Yeah...
Me: YOU... are talking... to ME?
Him: yeah...
Me: You must be talking to me 'cause I don't see no one else here.
Him: I was...
Me: Alright, then talk to me.
Him: Hi.
Me: You said that already. Say something else.
Him: Um... How are
Me: Snap it up, junior, you're boring me to death here.
Him: How are you?
Me: (silent, just staring at him)
Him: Hi.
Me: What, you think that's funny?
Him: What?
Me: I said, you think that's funny? What are you, a retahd now? (yes, I said retahd)
Him: I...
Me: Hit the road, kid, you bother me.

Boy, does he run fast.

And just because I wanna share it, here's an instant message conversation I had last night. This person I don't know just randomly IMed me.

KristyDouglas02: trent in chains, is that ball and chain
Trent In Chains: Kinda. It's more porn star Allysin Chaynes.
KristyDouglas02: ru into to porn?
Trent In Chains: Uh... yeah, but in a non-creepy, sensitive way?

She signed off after that one.

I'm batting a thousand so far!