I suck.
I totally, completely 100%ly suck.
I am the suckiest sucker to ever suck in the entire suckiverse.
Here's why...
On Monday, I went to the same shitty 80's club I always go to. By myself. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I'd gotten there at opening ('cause that's when the DJ plays all the obscure goth 80's music), so the place was empty. So to kill time I sat down and started playing Super Mario 2. About twenty, maybe thirty minutes later, these two girls come by and are all, "Oh, my god, it's been so long since I've played this game. Would you mind if we played, too?"
Now, I wasn't about to deny a beautiful girl in fishnets a chance to relive part of her youth. And when that same girl in fishnets has a cute blonde friend, that went double.
So I said sure. And, yeah, they kept dying and apologizing for dying and, yeah, I kept telling them it wasn't a big deal 'cause it's just a game and, yeah, they asked what my name was and talked to me a little.
But here's a good look into how my brain works:
Around twenty minutes later we were on level 7 and I started thinking, "Why are these girls still sitting next to me? I bet they want me to leave so they can play the game in peace. I better leave."
So I left.
No. Seriously.
I thought those exact words AND I left.
Two hours later, I'm replaying the scene in my head. Every word, every gesture. And I almost blurt out loud, "Holy crap! Those girls were flirting with me!
"
So, yeah.
I. SUCK.
That's how lame I am. I'm so used to girls being grossed out by me that, when one finally shows interest (and, statistically speaking, it was bound to happen sooner or later), it doesn't even register in my mind.
There was no, "This girl is being awfully nice to me and she sure is sitting close, despite having a ton of room on the couch. I better turn on the ol' Fodd charm. Now, come to papa, baby!"
It was, "You know, this girl probably wants to PLAY A FREAKIN' VIDEO GAME IN THE MIDDLE OF A DANCE CLUB SO I BETTER JUST LEAVE HER ALONE."
Oh, well...
I'm moving out to Vegas in December, anyway.
Yeah, that's right: Lil' Fodd in Sin City.
I'm going to get eaten alive.
Do me a favor and start praying for my soul now. I'm going to need a surplus of divine intervention to survive the next year or two.
I totally, completely 100%ly suck.
I am the suckiest sucker to ever suck in the entire suckiverse.
Here's why...
On Monday, I went to the same shitty 80's club I always go to. By myself. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I'd gotten there at opening ('cause that's when the DJ plays all the obscure goth 80's music), so the place was empty. So to kill time I sat down and started playing Super Mario 2. About twenty, maybe thirty minutes later, these two girls come by and are all, "Oh, my god, it's been so long since I've played this game. Would you mind if we played, too?"
Now, I wasn't about to deny a beautiful girl in fishnets a chance to relive part of her youth. And when that same girl in fishnets has a cute blonde friend, that went double.
So I said sure. And, yeah, they kept dying and apologizing for dying and, yeah, I kept telling them it wasn't a big deal 'cause it's just a game and, yeah, they asked what my name was and talked to me a little.
But here's a good look into how my brain works:
Around twenty minutes later we were on level 7 and I started thinking, "Why are these girls still sitting next to me? I bet they want me to leave so they can play the game in peace. I better leave."
So I left.
No. Seriously.
I thought those exact words AND I left.
Two hours later, I'm replaying the scene in my head. Every word, every gesture. And I almost blurt out loud, "Holy crap! Those girls were flirting with me!
"
So, yeah.
I. SUCK.
That's how lame I am. I'm so used to girls being grossed out by me that, when one finally shows interest (and, statistically speaking, it was bound to happen sooner or later), it doesn't even register in my mind.
There was no, "This girl is being awfully nice to me and she sure is sitting close, despite having a ton of room on the couch. I better turn on the ol' Fodd charm. Now, come to papa, baby!"
It was, "You know, this girl probably wants to PLAY A FREAKIN' VIDEO GAME IN THE MIDDLE OF A DANCE CLUB SO I BETTER JUST LEAVE HER ALONE."
Oh, well...
I'm moving out to Vegas in December, anyway.
Yeah, that's right: Lil' Fodd in Sin City.
I'm going to get eaten alive.
Do me a favor and start praying for my soul now. I'm going to need a surplus of divine intervention to survive the next year or two.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I feel your pain , man . I also feel your suckiness , for I too am sucky in that same respect . Here's a little story NOT about a man named Jed , but in fact a man named ME . I went to a party about a year ago or so . I'm just hanging out with a guy I know , and he's like "Hey , I know her . Let's go say Hi . " . Now the "her" in question was this REALLY cute little brunette girl , so I'm like "HELL YES . Let's go say HI " . Anyway , long story short...I bump into the cute girl later and she says to me " I think there's a guy here who has been trying to hook up with me . Would you mind if I hang out with you for awhile so that he thinks we're together and leaves me alone ? " Me being the occasional good deed doing guy that I am ( And secretly thinking that any chance to hang out with a cute girl , even if if is for deceptive reasons , is a GOOD thing ) says okay. So we hang out for the rest of the night . I think that she's NOT interested in me at all , so I'm just being my normal goofy-ass self instead of the nervous uptight wreck that I would usually be while hanging out with a really cute girl . So she's kinda flirting with me all night , and YET I still continue to think " Wow , she's REALLY trying to make this guy think that we're together . She's even sitting really close to me , and making sexy eyes at me . She's good . " So then she tells me that she has to go back to school , which is about a two hour drive away , tomorrow and says she'd like to talk to me again and hands me her phone number . I'm STILL in denial and thinking some retarded thing like "Maybe she wants to use me as her fake boyfriend again or something" . She's like we should DEFINITELY hang out again soon . I'm STILL completely oblivious to the fact that she might , for some ungodly reason , be into me . I proceed to walk her out to her car , because we were in a kinda shady neighborhood , and I'm like " Well , see 'ya " . She gives me this weird look , and says " Don't you want to kiss me ? " . WHAT????? I literally heard that sound of a needle being screetched off of a record inside my head . I was COMPLETELY shocked and surprised by THAT particular statement . Anyway , an offer like that cannot be refused . We wound up going out for about four months or so . We're still friends , and occasionally talk or e-mail . My point is that I too am a complete RETARD around women .
P.S. I lived in Vegas for a few months . You should just check your soul into storage when you go there . It'll be MUCH safer .
[Edited on Oct 02, 2003]