hastwothumbs

"Bring me the head of a wandering muse," demanded the captain of the Enterprise.
"Impossible, sir," noted the senior science officer. "Everyone knows they've been extinct since the great philanderer cull of 2796."
"Poppycock," exclaimed the captain. "I have irrefutable proof that three managed to survive and have preserved their line over the centuries through a bizarre and magnificent process of homosexual in-breeding. Now, quickly! We have no time to waste, for they might be on to us already!"
"I shall try my best, captain," promised the science officer.
"Damn right you will, you son of a right-handed chemistry set," the captain scolded.
"My mother was a saint," the science officer protested.
"Only to the Catholics," the captain spat. "And they don't count, the heathens."
"You're one to talk," the science officer shot back. "You and that copy of Dark Side of the Moon you worship will burn in Hell. Mark my words on that!"
The captain grabbed his Holy Record and held it to the sky. "Oh, Wise and Powerful Wizard of Barrett! Please feel free to smite this periodical table of bastard that stands beside me!"
And so, it was.