If you're an overweight male of Spanish descent wearing a leather, studded jacket with various punk band patches sewn into it, please consider the following suggestions for the next time you visit a dance club:
1.) Always travel in packs of at least three, making sure that your companions are also overweight males of Spanish descent wearing leather, studded jackets with various punk band patches sewn into them. This will draw more attention to you.
2.) When "I Wanna Be Sedated" by The Ramones is played, promptly make your way to the front of whatever stage is at said club (along with your companions, of course).
2.) A.) The best way to look cool is to lip-sync along with the song. Trust me.
2.) B.) When the chorus sings "I can't control my fingers," raise your hands to the crowd and wiggle your fingers in order to remind your fellow dancers what fingers are. It's common courtesy, you know.
2.) C.) When the chorus sings "I can't control my toes," point down to your toes to remind your fellow dancers where the toes are located. Again, common courtesy.
If you're able, lift one or more foot(s) into the air so that your fellow dancers are reminded what toes are. However, please do not remove your shoes and/or socks. The dance floor stinks enough without your help.
2.) D.) When the line "I wanna be sedated" is sung, point to your brain. Or, better yet, remove your brain and display it to the crowd.
2.) E.) Playing air guitar does not consitute dancing, no matter how much you shake your head while doing it. Playing air guitar and spinning around a bit, however, is perfectly acceptable. Especially during those horrid moments when you forget the lyrics and are unable to lip-sync.
3.) After the dj is finished playing that one novelty Ramones song, it is considered rude to immediately leave the stage. Please, continue to lip-sync and air guitar to at least the next two songs. After all, how are people supposed to enjoy Tears For Fears without you miming a shout and playing air key-tar?
3.) A.) If you feel you must leave the stage, the proper course of action follows thusly: line up in an orderly single file, walk around the outer perimeter of the dance floor, and dispense high fives to everyone standing within arm's reach.
I hope you keep these suggestions in mind during your next 80's night bonanza. With any luck, they will help you, your companions, and your fellow dance clubbers better enjoy the evening.
Thank you. And good night.
1.) Always travel in packs of at least three, making sure that your companions are also overweight males of Spanish descent wearing leather, studded jackets with various punk band patches sewn into them. This will draw more attention to you.
2.) When "I Wanna Be Sedated" by The Ramones is played, promptly make your way to the front of whatever stage is at said club (along with your companions, of course).
2.) A.) The best way to look cool is to lip-sync along with the song. Trust me.
2.) B.) When the chorus sings "I can't control my fingers," raise your hands to the crowd and wiggle your fingers in order to remind your fellow dancers what fingers are. It's common courtesy, you know.
2.) C.) When the chorus sings "I can't control my toes," point down to your toes to remind your fellow dancers where the toes are located. Again, common courtesy.
If you're able, lift one or more foot(s) into the air so that your fellow dancers are reminded what toes are. However, please do not remove your shoes and/or socks. The dance floor stinks enough without your help.
2.) D.) When the line "I wanna be sedated" is sung, point to your brain. Or, better yet, remove your brain and display it to the crowd.
2.) E.) Playing air guitar does not consitute dancing, no matter how much you shake your head while doing it. Playing air guitar and spinning around a bit, however, is perfectly acceptable. Especially during those horrid moments when you forget the lyrics and are unable to lip-sync.
3.) After the dj is finished playing that one novelty Ramones song, it is considered rude to immediately leave the stage. Please, continue to lip-sync and air guitar to at least the next two songs. After all, how are people supposed to enjoy Tears For Fears without you miming a shout and playing air key-tar?
3.) A.) If you feel you must leave the stage, the proper course of action follows thusly: line up in an orderly single file, walk around the outer perimeter of the dance floor, and dispense high fives to everyone standing within arm's reach.
I hope you keep these suggestions in mind during your next 80's night bonanza. With any luck, they will help you, your companions, and your fellow dance clubbers better enjoy the evening.
Thank you. And good night.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
dear lord. you never said you were cute.
as a matter of fact, i recall you saying quite the opposite.
lies. all lies.
note to self: never trust FODD when he speaks of looks.
maybe them Hispanic guys werent really huge losers.