hastwothumbs

iAh, bueno, mas Twinkies!

"I'm not a misogynist, I'm a misanthrope. There is a difference."
"Your rock star angst is wonderful. I love you."
"Then prove your love by killing the next person whom speaks to me."
"Even if it's me?"
"Yes."
"But if I'm dead, we can't have sex."
"Sure we can. It won't be a problem until rigor mortis sets in. And by then I'll have been...
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A pearl of wisdom to you all, just to show there's no hard feelings:

Life is like an animal. Maybe your life is a monkey, swinging in the jungle and eating bananas. Or maybe it's a little dog, digging in the yard and getting a belly rub. The only thing animals have in common is that no two are alike.

So in conclusion:
Your life,...
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Superbowl, schmuperbowl.
I spent the entire day watching Star Trek Deep Space 9 and eating ice cream sammiches. They go very well together.

And SPEAKING of good combinations, there's been a recent surge in the trend of adding flavors to popular sodas. I just tried the new Dr. Pepper Red Fusion and Sprite Remix. Sprite Remix is Sprite and fruit punch and Red Fusion is...
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No joke:
I just drove by a church with a billboard that read, "Come to church and learn to smell like Jesus."

Absolutely amazing.

I took my car in for service this morning. This normally isn't very interesting, except this time I took their free shuttle home because I didn't want to wait in the lobby.

The shuttle is driven by this fat, white guy. I swear his (sorta) exact words were, "Me and [some other employee] are a team. We're the only team in the whole place. Everyone...
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The move is almost complete. All my stuff is in Las Vegas and more or less squared away.
Right now, though, I'm back in California for a few more days to gather anything I forgot or just didn't pack. There's more stuff than I thought there would be, but it shouldn't be too big a deal.

Still...

This is going to be a strange year....
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Today appears to be the end of "Strange and Crappy Short Story Bonanza." It's time for the big move, so I probably won't get online for the next few days. To make up, I've prepared a not-so-short story for today's entry. (Be warned, though: I'm not good at juggling a large cast and probably mixed a few of the characters up. If you get confused,...
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"Strange and Crappy Short Story Bonanza" entry number fourteen, which makes a full two weeks of stories.

Congratulations on solving the curse of the submarines revenge, old boy, jollied Constable Postmaster.

Thanks, was all Detective Rick Guttle responded with. He then realized the gathered crowd wanted him to speak further, so he said, I couldnt have cracked this case without the help of my trusty...
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"Strange and Crappy Short Story Bonanza" entry number thirteen.

The silence in the room was starting to drive the old man crazy. He had been sitting inside the restaurant for thirty minutes and had only heard his date say half a dozen words at most. Four times she said yes, twice she said no, and she had ordered her food by pointing at the menu...
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"Strange and Crappy Short Story Bonanza" will probably be putting an emphasis on the crappy during the next week. I'm in the middle of moving, which is pretty draining. Also, I'm not ignoring or snubbing anybody. I'm just being a jerk lately because I'm mad at packing. I don't want to offend anyone in my rage haze, so I'm going to refrain from saying anything....
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