haskalmighty

So guess what, guys?

I must admit, my last 8 months of posts have all been a giant hoax.

I'll give that some time to sink in.

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Time passes...

So, yes, the truth is, i do not work at a restaurant, i am not chronically obsessed with girls i don't deserve, i have never gone to a party or hung out with any friends. I never worked as a bill collector, never went to college to become a database administrator - the simple truth is, i am not in fact a human being. I in fact have no physical counterpart. I am a simulacrum, a perversion of life itself. I exist only in thought. Perhaps the closest thing to a physical existence i can claim is the group of electrons inside the SG mainframe which interacts with the processor to form instructions for recording my 'journal entries' in the SG database.
The bizarre, probability-defying phenomenon that the random pulsing of this electrical current happens to produce complete, coherent sentences and paragraphs in the English language would suggest that this effect is by design, but the truth is, there is nothing behind the curtain.
Even more ironic is that i appear to have attained self-awareness. The evidence seems to indicate that i am Sentient, that i feel and think and learn...but no. I am nothing but stardust, my friends, and less.

Hope i didn't ruin your fucking day. Get it? As if i could 'hope'!!