harlow

well, i start taking kickboxing lessons on monday night. i cant wait. hopefully this will focus my mind and my anger.

ive finally dyed my hair dark but it has a green tinge to it because it was bleached before so i hav to get it fixed.

im hoping to go out for a surf later today before work tonight - wish i had my own board. still thinking about buying that skateboard so i can learn to skate and my friends can stop laughing at me haha! *note to self, try to skate when not inhibriated.

i slept with my manager on saturday. we were very drunk at 8am and it seemed like a good idea at the time. it wasnt bad, in fact it was quite sweet. i dont find him attractive at all, but sometimes i wonder if id do it again. i know hed like to. sometimes i wonder if im single cos i cant be with someone i not sexually attracted to. sex is very important to me. its why i cant keep a guy, cos i sleep with them too soon, but i love it. id do it more than once a day, everyday if i could find someone to keep up with me! a lot of guys dont actually like sex as much as i do. youd think they would too! ever since i got past my mid twenties ive grown a concience tho, so i hardly do it cos i want it to be worth it, with someone who deserves me. its trying to find that balance between using someone for sex and not ultimately feeling like you got used cos youre a woman. *lesson - dont fuck people who expect you to fuck them, even if you want to. ha!