I do like my job. It pays for me to live and I enjoy the work for the most part and am appreciated for all my hard work there. I am thankful for that since I am not at a bad or miserable job on top of getting antsy and tired of the same old thing over and over. The routine is killing me and it always seems that plans I try to make fall through. It's starting to get really frustrating and even a little depressing.

So, I have been trying to get into a D&D or Pathfinder game for years now. Every group I have been in breaks up due to stupid people with stupid drama. Lately I have been pretty adamant about trying to get a group going, asking around my friends and people at work and really trying to put myself out there. Luckily, I asked one guy at work who I knew seemed to be into RPGS and those types of things. He kind of chuckled and told me he had a Pathfinder game he was starting up and running. He was fine with me joining but had to check with the people whose house we would be playing at. They said they had no issue with that so I was in. Well, last week we had to cancel because one of the members had their manager switch their shift at the last second and that screwed up our plans. Now this weekend it looks as if some of the other members who work in a different department at my job are going to have to work Saturday therefore cancelling this weekend as well. There is a slim chance the shift can get cancelled but I am not getting my hopes up. It just really sucks to look forward to something new on the weekends, something I have been wanting to do for a while just get cancelled because of jobs. People have a life outside of the workplace.

Recently I decided to take a stand and try to put myself out there and seek out like minded people. It's not that I don't love my friends. It's that I don't know many people who share my interests. Getting into the Pathfinder D&D crowd was part of that. I have also joined a local paranormal group which has meetups as well as a local board game club. I am tired of being one the only people in my friend group who is into these things. I am trying to set myself up to meet more people, make more friends and go on adventures. It's slow going but at least it's something. I just say this because I want to convey how much I want to get into more things and how tired I am of the routine.

I work 50 hours a week, come home tired on the weekends and usually just end up going to the same bar and same places. There aren't really any good local bands. The fun spots around town get old. Sitting around the house just doesn't work especially after the last year or so. I really am trying to get out there, expand my social circle and fight back against the routine. I understand not every weekend will be a blast but it's so discouraging and upsetting when my plans keep falling through and my efforts seem to be mostly in vain.

Part of the issue is that I was raised to work hard and have a strong work ethic. That's good but that also leads me to push myself and never really take any vacations. I need a vacation and I am trying to break that mindset. I know I am a hard worker. Anyone who knows the value of a good employee knows I am a hard worker. I deserve some time for me, myself and I. I deserve to go somewhere to experience something that is in line with my interests and which I am passionate about. I deserve to be smiling, laughing without worrying about work or being tired.

For the most part I am living a good life. I understand that others have it a lot worse but at the same time, somethings got to change.