Please see my last two blog posts prior to this to get caught up on everything if this is the first blog you have seen.

We talked a little bit today. I am still trying to give her space but still be around at the same time. She and this whole thing have really been on my mind lately. Whatever may be going on in her life has really gotten into my head and heart. It's not a romantic thing. I think that may be a small part of it as I did feel an attraction but it's different than that. I don't believe I am an empath but I do have empathy for her. I actually feel really sad but also realize it's not about me, she is in much worse spot. I think about it a lot. I think about it at work and when I am lying in bed. I think about ways I can try to help, ways I can try to make her laugh if I see her again, ways to try to make her smile or feel better. I just really feel a strong pull in that regard.

I've always been this way, less or more at times and this is certainly more. I don't want anyone to think this post is all about me. it's only partially about me and much more about her. It was something about the way she smiled when we talked, the sorrow in her eyes. When I am talking to someone I look at them, at their face and give them the respect and attention. I can be good at reading emotions at times and I saw it there. I think that's what originally hooked me in, so to speak. I want to see that sadness fade, her face light up with genuine happiness.

I just have really strong and real desire to want to help, get her started on the path to recovery. I also understand trust issues and why it might be hard for to trust. Again, I have no way of understanding exactly how she feels or what is going on but I do understand there may have been guys in the past that have feigned a desire to help with ulterior motives.

I'm not always good at expressing my feelings with words. I also have trust issues. That's why I come here to talk about the more real personal shit. I hope that people reading this can understand what I am saying.