hardboiledshamus

Alright, so it has been a little bit since I have blogged. I felt as if I should tonight. I'm not sure if anyone reads these blogs. There are a lot of members and a lot of blogs so mine would be easy to miss. I'm not gonna stop blogging just because no one reads these, but it would be nice to know that someone does. Anyway, I just went out on a night walk. This is something I try to do often once the weather starts to warm up a little. It was good for me, it gave me a breather and time to relax. However, I noticed how dark my neighborhood has become. I could go out there and simply vanish without a trace. I kid of course.

So, if anyone has been reading my blogs they know about the situation with that girl I really liked. If you don't know the story, but are reading this, read my last few blogs to get caught up. There is no need for me to retell the story. I do need to put and update on it however. It's something that I am pretty much completely over, but from time to time it still hits at me and bugs me. So, she started ignoring me again and to make a long story short the only reason she hung out with me anymore was to get close to my best friend. She immediately stopped talking to me, started talking to him and then started dating him. She knew I had feelings for her. I told her and every time she needed someone, I was there. I ran to her at the drop of a hat without a moments hesitation. I always tried to make her feel better, I always tried to make her happy. Yes, there was a part of me that was trying to start dating her even though I knew she had liked someone else previously, that had ended. After everything, the reason I really did everything was for her, to make her happy and such. It wasn't something I had to do, but I did, for her. However, I was easily ready to accept if she didn't feel the same way and I would be just fine if she just wanted to be friends in the end. However, what I was not fine with was her using me to get with my best friend. He knew I liked her too, but he's a jealous sack in the end. He tried to get with my other friends girlfriend at an anime convention last year, knowing she was taken. So that was a dick move for him to do to me. He's a cool guy and all, but he's not ready for a relationship, he's not mature enough for one. If you have ever seen the movie High Fidelity, he's kinda like the male Charlie. What he says might sound funny at first, but in the end you realize it's all useless BS.

So, I talked to them about it. He wouldn't answer me but I got her to. I told her straight up how I felt and how I felt I was wrong. However, I fairly gave her a chance to explain her side. In the end we basically decided to try and remain friends. Just a few days ago, he texted me and we talked a bit and decided the same thing. I do hope that we can all be friends in the end and I know the relationship won't last. However, I am not gonna welcome them back with open arms. Yes, I will welcome them back, but they will be on a short leash. They will have to work hard to regain my trust. The thing is, if they aren't willing to work hard, then they don't really want to be my friend again anyway. If that's the fact in the end, I don't need to waste my time with them. So we are slowly working on trying to rekindle everything, but it's going nowhere so far. The good thing is, it helped me find out who my real friends are. I really found out that of my coworkers actually care about me and realize I am a good guy. They know I handled the entire situation like an adult and they respect me for that. I am now trying to find a new group, because they were the only ones I ever hung out with. Now it's hard to for me to really do anything with people. I am probably taking a creative writing class at a community college next semester. That will help me meet more people that are into the same kind of stuff that I like and hopefully help me to make more friends. Well, I guess that is it, I don't have much else to say. If anyone is reading this, thanks