happycherries

I'm not really sure what's up with me lately. I don't know what I want from my life.

I've gained 15 pounds. I started going to the gym everyday now, I was there for 2 and a half hours today. When I'm running I get into this zone and my mind wonders,

I wonder how my life would be different if I didn't settle for the safe boy. It's not that I don't love Jay. He's done so much for me. He takes care of all of us. But would I have gotten married to him if we hadn'td gottten pregnant? Or if I didn't know that my mom thought he was the guy to go for. Because he makes alot of money?

I just sometimes wonder if I'm even ment to be with a man. Any man, I find myself having feelings for women,

I was with a woman for awhile when I was 20. Her name was Melissa and she was from chicago. SHe was going to school here, SHe was the first person who ever satisfied me. Not even just the sex. But my emotions were so stable when I was with her. I was happeir than I've ever been with anyone. But she and I were both young and didn't know exactly what we wanted.

Now that I'm married I wonder. Like I care about Jay but what if I do have a sole mate out there and she's a woman??