happyboy

Man, I was thinking about her last night, my grandmother. I haven't been to vist here in a couple of years. She comes here several times, so it's not like we don't see each other, but still.

I hate to fly, that's my biggest obstacle. I'm in California and she's in conneticut, so it would be a long flight at that. I can't relax on a plane, I spend a large part of the time monitoring every sound the engine makes. It rules me from take off to touch down.

I don't know why I developed this phobia. Back in the day I flew up to 6 times a year and it was no problem, I loved doing it as a matter of fact but now, I avoid it. It's not like you could never get me on a plane, I don't freak out or anything. I just spend the whole flight anxious as hell. It's to the point that when I go somewhere I can't fully enjoy the whole stay. The day before the return flight I start thinking about having to get on a plane and it fucks things up.

What it really fucks up is my relationship with my grandmother. I love her and she loves me but, deep down I can only imagine her disappointment. Iam going to try and force myself to get o a plane this holiday season and go see her. If you read this and can recommend anything I could do to make the flight easier please feel free. Thanks