hansel

The cleanest and best I ever feel is when I'm creating something I think is worthwhile. I know I'm never going to think it's any good in the end. I never do. Not that it matters. What's important is getting from some half-shit idea to some half-baked final product. That's what makes for the good times (in hippie jargon: "it's all about the journey"). I always feel manic when I'm creating; like I've had too much coffee and my ass is wet from sitting too long. I'm holding my urine and rambling off to whoever will listen. Truthfully, that's probably why I like drinking coffee, I remember when it made me feel like I could run a mile. Now it just keeps me from getting a headache. I wonder if heroin addicts get nostalgic for when heroin made them feel invincible? Anyway, it's been awhile since I've felt any kind of manic energy.

I remember when bands made me feel that way. I remember feeling like there was so much music in the world and I'd never uncover it all. The computer made it too easy; now I feel like there's a lot of music and most of it's bad. That's why I think I'm listening to LP's, it's the obvious reverse of sitting on a shitload of digital music.

I'm still looking for a job. Part of me thinks that I should do anything to keep from sitting in a office again. Eddie doesn't think I should suck dick on Burnside to get some money coming in. I'm inclined to agree, of course. Still, I don't want to sit behind a desk again. There's got to be a way to make an honest living while avoiding honest work. I use to think sitting in an office was the ticket, but just the thought of doing that again makes me want to cringe.

Anyway, I'm not complaining. I just wanted to write something that felt honest. Go give Eddie some love for the new braceless face. My, doesn't she have a pretty mouth?