hannelore

Mmmm. That was a wonderful trip down to Seaside.

Over the passed couple weeks the boyfriend and I have been discussing things, feelings, and other things. One of those things is my pain tolerance, how much I like pain, and why.

Things got a little heated before I went down there, I had a momentary lapse on judgement, and ended up carving for the first time in months. He almost asked me not to come down because he was so disappointed, but then we came up with something.

Every time I feel like I need to hurt myself, I call him, we talk, and a tally mark gets added to the list. When I'm down there again we count the tallies, and I get that many hits with the cane. Best idea ever.

When I went down this weekend, after that first caning, I feel cleansed. Almost a new person, it was the closest I've felt to a religious experience, ever, in my life.

Suffice to say, it's a little uncomfortable to sit now, but it's also an amazing reminder.

Also, he said "I love you" for the first time, and gave me the key to his apartment. I don't know, it was just an amazing and wonderful weekend and I miss him already.